Mortal Kombat

Next up is the great video game franchise known as Mortal Kombat. This was a huge deal when it first appeared in arcades. At the time, Mortal Kombat was the violent and goriest game ever made. You could literally use “Fatalities” to kill your opponent in some of the most unimaginable ways. I believe I also first laid eyes on this game at a cousin’s house and I was in shock and awe, but also intrigued at the game. I loved playing it, but never figured out how to do the “Fatalities.”

Once they had decided to come out with a “Mortal Kombat” movie in 1995, people were praising this movie saying it was “The Best Video Game Adaptation Ever Made.” Really, because there are a lot of problems with this movie, like it not following the basic concept of the game. I know people love this movie, as I did when I first saw it at a cousin’s house when I was in Middle School, but when I rewatched it years later; I started noticing all the mistakes this movie made. Before you start sending your hate mail about me bashing “Mortal Kombat,” hear me out first. Remember, all of this is simply opinion, not fact, so don’t go crazy, even if you are wrong.

First off, why is this movie rated PG-13? Wouldn’t it have been cool if they had included some of those great “Fatalities” that we all saw and loved in the games? Oh, there is a “Fatality,” but it’s a little sissy version of it. That means the violence is toned down “a lot” in this movie, so we don’t get to see any of the blood and gore that we loved seeing in the game.

The basic story is that Mortal Kombat is a tournament between the fighters of Earth and Outworld that was created by the Elder Gods who want to invade Earth by Outworld. If Outworld wins Mortal Kombat ten consecutive times, Emperor Shao Khan will invade and conquer Earth.

One of the coolest characters in the game was lightning god Raiden, but in the movie he is played by Christopher Lambert. Nothing wrong with that, except for the fact that he does NOTHING BUT TALK THROUGHOUT THE MOVIE!!!! HE ONLY LIFTS UP A FINGER TO HELP THE PEOPLE HE SELECTED!!!! WHY DON’T WE SEE HIM FIGHT AND BE IN THE ACTION YOU JERKS!?!?!?!? He basically just sits on the sidelines and acts like a Obi-Wan Kenobi style mentor.

Raiden handpicks three people, Shaolin Monk Liu Kang (Robin Shou), actor Johnny Cage (Linden Ashby), and military officer Sonya Blade (Bridgette Wilson). All three have their own reasons for joining the tournament. Liu Kang wants to avenge the murder of his brother, Chan (Steven Ho), who was killed by the host of Mortal Kombat, Shang Tsung (Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa), Sonya Blade wants to find Australian crime lord Kano (Trevor Goddard) for killing her partner, and Johnny Cage has been called a fake by the media and wants to prove otherwise. These are just some of the most clichéd and juvenile reasons for ever joining a tournament. REVENGE DOES NOT BRING THE PERSON BACK FROM THE DEAD!!!! DON’T YOU KNOW THAT!?!?!?!? WHY GO OUT AND SEEK REVENGE, JUST TO SATISFY YOUR NEEDS THAT THE PERSON WHO KILLED THEM IS DEAD!?!?!?!? In the words of Mr. Freeze, “Revenge is a dish best served cold.”

Another major problem with this movie is that Shang Tsung has mind-controlled everyone’s favorite ninja characters, Scorpion (Chris Casamassa) and Subzero (François Petit), and they are his obedient slaves. Ok Paul W.S. Anderson, here is a little story that you clearly did not even bother researching before making this movie: Scorpion was one of the best fighters of the Japanese Shirai Ryu ninja clan. He was ordered to go to the Himalayas to retrieve a map, which Subzero, a fighter on the enemy Chinese assassins team called Lin Kuei, is also ordered to find. After Subzero fights and kills Scorpion, Scorpion becomes an undead ninja spirit who wants to avenge his own death against Subzero. Later, Subzero participates in Mortal Kombat because he is ordered to kill Shang Tsung and take his treasure. He fails and is killed by Scorpion, and Subzero turns into the undead Noob Saibot. Subzero also had a younger brother who in later games became Subzero, while the older brother was changed to Noob Saibot. WHY DO YOU HAVE THEM WORKING TOGETHER!?!?!? WHAT IS WITH THE EFFECT OF SCORPION’S SPEAR, IS IT SUPPOSED TO LOOK THAT WAY!?!?!? AND WHY DOES SUBZERO TAKE TOO LONG TO CHARGE UP HIS ICEBALL!?!?!?!?

We also have Reptile in here that was created from CGI and the vocal effects were provided by Frank Welker, who does turn into a human and is played by Keith Cooke. Reptile is a Zaterran, a nearly-extinct race of Reptilian humanoids and he is an obedient slave of Shao Khan. However, the CGI effect looks nothing like it does in the game. WHY DON’T YOU HAVE SCORPION, SUBZERO AND REPTILE, EVERYONE’S FAVORITE NINJA CHARACTERS, NOT TALK THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE MOVIE!?!?!?!? Actually, Scorpion does say his famous “Get Over Here” line, which is provided by the game’s co-creator Ed Boon, but that’s about it.

Goro, the prince of the underground Shokan and armies general of Outworld, is played by Tom Woodruff, Jr, but the voice is provided by Kevin Michael Richardson. I do think his effect is decent, BUT HIS LIPSYNC IS OFF!!!!

The movie has a poorly constructed plot, laughable dialogue and subpar acting. I’m serious; Johnny Cage doesn’t stop with his horrible one-liners that make your ears bleed. The lines are just plain stupid. Also, the fight scenes are like the ones you would see in a typical martial arts movie. Sure, some of the moves are there, but they don’t save the terrible fight scenes. The first half is just talking and the fight scenes are all in the second half. BALANCE IT OUT IDIOTS!!!

Why is Sonya at first tough, but once she gets in a headlock when she gets kidnapped by Shang Tsung, she becomes a damsel in distress? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO THIS TOUGH CHARACTER!?!?!? THAT’S JUST AN INSULT!!! SHE IS A MILITARY OFFICER!!!! DOES SHE NOT KNOW HOW TO GET OUT OF ANY SORT OF RESTRAINT!?!?!?!? DID SHE NOT PAY ATTENTION DURING THE SELF-DEFENCE TRAINING!?!?!?!?!? Liu Kang does kill Shang Tsung and frees all the souls he has captured, but does that bring anyone back from the dead? NO!

The worst part about this movie is, once again, THEY LEAVE US OFF ON A CLIFFHANGER!!!! Everyone returns to Earth to have a victory celebration at the Shaolin temple, along with the Emperor’s adopted daughter, Princess Kitana, played by Talisa Soto, who becomes Liu Kang’s love interest. However, Shao Khan, voiced by Frank Welker, enters saying he is there for everyone’s souls, Raiden says, “I don’t think so,” they get into their fighting stances AND THE CREDITS ROLL!!!! To quote the Nostalgia Critic: when will videogame spinoffs learn? Leaving us on a cliffhanger doesn’t guarantee a sequel, you just anger the audience! Even if you do release a sequel, it doesn’t always mean it will be good, just be self-contained!

Case in point, let’s take a look at the 1997 sequel, “Mortal Kombat: Annihilation,” which I also saw at my cousin’s house and enjoyed, but when I rewatched it years later, I had no idea it was this bad. It seems like this has a cult-following because people are saying that this movie is fun to watch but where is the fun in watching this!? Nothing about this is fun, it’s just a pain to sit through. A lot of people agree how awful of a sequel this is. It even has a 3% on Rotten Tomatoes! Even the tagline said “Destroy all expectations,” which this movie successfully did!

To start off, this movie’s opening is the exact same as the first one, only they CG’ed “Annihilation” at the end. HOW CHEAP ARE YOU PEOPLE!?!?!? Another problem is that they recasted three of the characters. Raiden is now played by James Remar, Sonya Blade is now played by Sandra Hess and Johnny Cage is now played by Chris Conrad, who ends up getting killed FIVE MINUTES INTO THE MOVIE!!! Has Chris Conrad ever been in a good movie?

Unlike the first movie, which only had the characters from the first video game, this movie gets overcluttered with every character FROM THE SECOND AND THIRD VIDEO GAMES!!!! We have Shao Kahn (Brian Thompson), Jade (Irina Pantaeva), Jax (Lynn “Red Williams), Sindel (Musetta Vander), Sheeva (Marjean Holden), Shinnok (Reiner Schone), Nightwolf (Litefoot), Motaro (Deron McBee), Ermac (John Medlen), Cyrax (J.J. Perry), Noob Saibot (J.J. Perry), Rain (Tyrone C. Wiggins), Baraka (Dennis Keiffer), Smoke (Ridley Tsui) and Mileena (Dana Hee). J.J. Perry also plays Scorpion and Keith Cooke comes back to play Subzero.

Sindel is supposed to be Kitana’s mother, but why do they look like they are around the same age? When did she give birth? Or does she never age?

There is no story in this movie because the plot is just simply exposition. Everything is just explained out. Also, there are just way too many action scenes and they're completely stupid to look at, making it worse than the first movie because this horrendous sequel is nothing more than a mindless action flick!!!!

The special effects are poorly done, the fighting is sloppier than the first and the claymation is just plain laughable. On top of that, the acting is horrendous, the dialogue is pretentious and the lines are some of the worse ever. The quotes are just some of the worse written ever in a movie. Case in point, look at what Sindel says to Kitana when she finds out her mother is alive.

Also, they made Raiden and Shao Khan brothers, their father is Shinnok and Jade is apparently Asian, when she was ORIGINALLY BLACK IN THE GAMES!!!!

Seriously, this film makes the first “Mortal Kombat” movie look like a masterpiece! Does that mean that the first “Mortal Kombat” is a good movie and I like it now? No! However, I do give it credit for actually being a movie, WHICH IS MORE THAN I CAN SAY FOR THIS GARBAGE!!!!!

I will end with another quote from the Nostalgia Critic: Maybe this is the time when filmmakers will wake up and realize that they have to work hard in order to make movies about video games interesting. They can’t just make trash and expect it to be good. In fact, now is the time that filmmakers may stop worrying about making money and just concentrate on making decent, entertaining films about video games.

Now I know I talked more about the first “Mortal Kombat” when there is so much more that I can thrash on the sequel, but seriously, I think everyone knows the problems with that one. I just wanted to explain why I don’t like the first “Mortal Kombat” movie but everyone else loves it. These two movies have definitely aged, and I would highly recommend never to watch these movies. They are just a pain to sit through and you will regret watching them later. However, if you do end up liking one or both of those movies and think they are fun to watch, I understand.

Alright, next week I will be ending off the month with adaptations on a video game franchise that I have never played because I didn’t know it existed and I didn’t know these films were based on it. I will just be judging those as movies and not as video game adaptations because I don’t know what the video games were like. Just wait and see on the finale of “Video Game Adaptation Month.”