Aladdin (2019)

I just made a huge mistake and saw the “Aladdin” remake, which came out three months ago, tonight. I knew going in that I was going to not like this movie, but I didn’t think that I wouldn’t like it this much. If you want to know what I mean, here we go.

Arab racism aside, the original animated “Aladdin” is a beloved movie, rising from your typical Disney cartoon to something larger than a huge part of it, thanks to its great, hilarious performance from the late Robin Williams as the Genie. Finding someone who can be exactly that way looked to be the most important part of the remake’s success. It’s difficult to say who was the right person that isn’t Robin Williams, but Will Smith is not the one. Genie, sadly, is the one who holds the entire movie together. Without a strong making, Agrabah will fall. In 2019, we should be happy that the fictional city is still around. Will Smith playing the crazy supernatural genie that lives in a dirty lamp sucks but deep, which is more of a reason to be sad. There’s a type of energy and spirit Williams’ voice acting carried that Smith, sadly, lacks. Expecting Smith to save this movie, which is nicely serviceable, is disrespectful to Smith. There is really nothing he, or anyone, could have done.

Megan Reynolds admitted in her review, “It was not my intention to see Guy Ritchie’s live-action remake of Aladdin on opening night, but life had other plans for me, which is why I found myself ensconced in a theater with recliners on Friday, wearing a pair of 3D glasses and ready to be carried away by Ritchie’s big budget retelling of a beloved Disney classic.”

Structurally, nothing really has changed, besides having a few additions to the plot to update it for 2019. The Sultan (Navid Negahban) is still being pushed around by Jafar (Marwan Kenzar), and Aladdin (Mena Massoud) is still a thief still smuggling food through Agrabah, which, as Reynolds described, “Looks like an Epcot imagining of the “Middle East.”” Princess Jasmine (Naomi Scott) has a new handmaiden, Dalia (Nasim Pedrad), along with a changed sense of women empowering which wasn’t included in the original. Reynolds noted, “Jasmine is no one’s chattel but her own, thank you very much, and she will sing not one but two original songs to prove it. Please consider “Speechless,” a song seemingly crafted to fill the “Let It Go”-shaped hole that exists in every new Disney movie.” It is a small part of princess power that this movie did not need, which is mainly what you can say about this remake altogether.

The set pieces look nice, as do the costumes, and the actors did what they could have done. Ritchie obviously relied mainly on special effects and green screens, which means the actors had to work even harder to look engaged with each other or with their surroundings. A Friend Like Me, the Genie’s main song, was destroyed horribly by Smith’s poor interpretations – understandable, knowing that he was likely working on a soundstage and not the computer-generated Cave of Wonders we ending up getting. Reynolds admitted, “The same could be said for “A Whole New World,” the most exciting part of the original to me, and a song that still goes hard at karaoke, in the bathroom, or while doing the dishes. Jasmine and Aladdin hop atop the magic carpet, but the ride that they take lacks the fantastical sense of wonder conveyed in the animated version—perhaps because I knew while watching it that both these actors were astride a green screen platform, dodging and singing around invisible obstacles.”

Really, the best part about the entire movie wasn’t anyone real – it was the magic carpet, a completely computer-generated invention that was filled with a real personality. Reynolds admitted, “When Carpet was torn asunder during the movie’s climactic action sequence, in which Jafar (not hot, and not nearly threatening enough), tries to end the world via his Genie-granted all-powerful magic, I was upset. I tried to rifle through the dusty coffers of my memory to see if Carpet perished in the original; obviously, I was wrong, and obviously, Carpet is repaired anew. The fact that I was elated at its survival but did not care when it seemed Aladdin, Jasmine, the Sultan, and Dalia’s lives were in danger speaks volumes.”

Nostalgia is a really high product and movie executives with money in their eyes are looting the recent past to bring new, improved versions of beloved classics to the theaters thinking of getting the type of huge returns “Aladdin” has – making $113 million its opening weekend, and nicely thrashing everything else in its way. Reynolds ended her review by saying, “This doesn’t mean that the movie itself is worthy of such numbers, but it does seem like an easy way to spend two hours on a hot summer’s day when you no longer feel like driving the kids to the Target and back.”

Say what you will about the original, but that at least had some heart and drive to it. This one had bad acting, unfunny humor, reworked scenes that were superfluous, added scenes that were even more superfluous and songs that didn’t have that upbeat, catchy, toe-tapping vibe that the original had. This was a huge insult for those who grew up and loved the original animated version. I wasn’t a huge fan of it, but I did love Robin Williams’ Genie in that. Will Smith admitted in an interview that he didn’t try and just rapped because he can’t sing. The original had a simple, straightforward plot that was told in a nice, short runtime. The remake didn't really need to be two hours long, which felt tedious and made you wonder when it was going to end! Don’t make the mistake of watching this movie because it will leave you feeling empty and livid that they botched up this remake.

Thank goodness I’m done with that terrible Disney remake. Look out tomorrow when I continue “Video Game Adaptation Month.”