Texas Chainsaw 3D

“The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” is the perfect synonym for deadly horror. This is a series that always brought it to you raw – it went straight for your throat and scared you with so many uses of the chainsaw. There’s nothing to “enjoy” about any of them (although you may credit Bill Moseley for his portrayal of Chop-Top in the horrendous 1986 sequel). Mr. Disgusting stated in his review, “This is the inherent problem with Texas Chainsaw 3D, Lionsgate’s quasi-sequel that picks up immediately after Hooper’s 1974 classic left off; not only is it not brutal, it’s not fun either.”

The movie is directed by John Luessenhop, who starts with movie off with a great montage and highlights from the original movie that catches everyone up with the powerful original film and the beast from it, Leatherface. It starts right after Sally Hardesty, played by Marilyn Burns, escaped on the pickup truck. She tells the police to go to the Sawyer house where they kill the whole family, except for a baby. Then it cuts to present day where the baby, Heather Miller, played by the hot Alexandra Daddario, who is now a sight for sore eyes (despite that it has only been 38 years) and the Sawyer house is left to her in a will from one of her unknown relatives. What she doesn’t know is that she also gets Leatherface.

The idea is rightfully nice, since this will not only intrigue newbies, but also get credit from diehard horror fans. Mr. Disgusting states, “It was obvious since the casting announcements that the goal of the producing team was to first and foremost make the fans happy, an urge that shows onscreen with some loving nods to the original.” The mistake they made is getting everything completely together. Right after Leatherface, played by Dan Yeager, is introduced, a majority of the second half is where they try to find evidence of the killing that happened at the start of the film. When they get Heather to go through the police files, the editing staff tries to do something innovative by cross-cutting parts of Officer Marvin, played by James MacDonald, slowly walking around the Sawyer house. Because we already know that Leatherface is down in the basement to kill him, you’re not at all scared.

Mr. Disgusting noted, “There’s also a bland an attempt to villainize the locals, which comes off a bit trite, and turning Leatherface into an antihero is about as ill-advised as when the Predator teams with a human in Alien vs. Predator.” There’s nothing scary about one of the slasher villains when you are sympathizing with them. I guess you can say that the sudden change of events would have been done better if they placed it in the second act, instead of making it the ending.

All of this goes back to the problem with the tone. “Texas Chainsaw 3D” isn’t scary or vicious. Even though plenty of blood, guts and gore are spilt, none of it is realistic – nothing makes you jump in your seat (like seeing teeth fall out of a mouth or hands severed). Also, it’s not really fun. None of the characters (rapper Trey Songz, Tania Raymonde and Keram Malicki-Sánchez) are rare or interesting, other than those desperate men who want to see a naked girl. Heads up men, it doesn’t happen in this movie.

Mr. Disgusting ended his review by saying, “Even if TCM3D were tonally in tune, it wouldn’t be well received. And the fact that it is ultimately a run-of-the-mill slasher means it’s basically only going to connect with hardcore TCM fans, whom are the only people I recommend see the film.”

Overall, I thought this film was ok, and I would place it in the middle of franchise. If you would like to see the film, it’s up to you. Fans of the franchise wouldn’t be happy to see an average film in this franchise, especially with how high they set the bar in terms of horror. I saw this on Netflix and I didn’t really mind it so much, but thought it was average.

Well, that ends my review on the “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” franchise. Check in tomorrow on the next horrible franchise which I will look at for this year’s “Halloween Month.”