Scary Movie 5

Now we have thankfully come to the finale of the “Scary Movie franchise,” “Scary Movie 5,” released in 2011.

Max Nicholson started his review out by saying, “When it was first announced that Anna Faris wouldn't be coming back to star in the latest Scary Movie, my expectations went from low to lower. I was never a huge fan of the series, but they were never offensively unfunny, especially with names like Faris, Marlon Wayans, Cheri Oteri, David Cross and Tim Curry attached.”

What’s good about this is that “Scary Movie 5” was like a reboot to the franchise and actually succeed at doing what the first one wasn’t able to do. Unfortunately, that’s not what happened in any way. (I wish to say that I am kidding, but I’m not.)

Also, if you thought that this would help out Charlie Sheen or famous child star Lindsay Lohan by staring in this movie, you are clearly wrong. To start with, if those two “actors” are why you are seeing any movie, then you need to check yourselves. Also, the time they are in this movie is only like three minutes at the beginning of the movie. If you saw the trailer, you saw their entire scene – except for the clown-like bed scene with the Benny Hill theme playing in the background. (Which should give you an idea of what kind of comedy is in the movie.)

The main stars of this sequel are Ashley Tisdale and Simon Rex, who, from beginning to end, parody parts from scary movies like “Paranormal Activity,” “Mama,” “Sinister” and “Evil Dead” – but with the usual fart jokes and shameless humor. There’s also a strange little of “Inception” and “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” in here – because, as Nostalgia Critic put it, “the zeitgeist must flow!”

On top of that, you’ve got cameos from people like rapper Snoop Dogg, comedian Katt Williams, Terry Crews, Jerry O’Donnell, Sarah Hyland, Katrina Bowden, Kate Walsh, rapper Usher, Heather Locklear and boxer Mike Tyson – none of them help out their ridiculous, one-note jokes. Actually, the only cameo that I should even talk about is Molly Shannon, who partially lights up the screen as cigarette-smoking, martini-drinking Winona Ryder from “Black Swan.”

Nicholson said it best in his review when he said, “In terms of comedy, Scary Movie 5 is painfully flat, stupid and vulgar, as well as moderately racist. To say this script was written by monkeys would be an insult to all those monkeys in a room with typewriters. Shannon aside, I can't even think of one time I actually chuckled.”

Obviously, the main problem with parody movies is that, once they are released in theaters, they’re already miserably obsolete. The best example of this is “Scary Movie 5’s” spoof of “Paranormal Activity,” which along with “Mama,” is the main spoof story of the film. Not only did the first “Paranormal Activity” came out almost six years prior, but another similar spoof movie, “A Haunted House” (which I have never seen, thankfully), came out three months prior to this film.

Even with the film’s parodying of “Evil Dead,” which was released a week before this one, every writer put in their all in the trailer, which you think is basically the blueprint for sharp parody.

Nicholson advised, “If it isn't obvious already, I'll spell it out for you: Don't see Scary Movie 5. In fact, I'd recommend seeing literally any other movie in theaters right now: 42, To the Wonder, Disconnect -- heck, go see Evil Dead again, it doesn't matter. Just avoid Scary Movie 5 at all costs. Unless you were that group of sixth-graders I saw sneak into my theater after buying Croods tickets, I don't think anyone will enjoy this film. And if by some cruel twist of fate you find yourself in a theater watching Simon Rex bang his schlong between two cooking pots, just don't say I didn't warn you.”

If that actually happened, “Scary Movie 5” is the worse in the franchise, coming to a point of ridiculousness and a failing comedy. Not even the long list of celebrity cameos can help this horror parody out.

As I think everyone can already guess by what I have typed, do not see this movie. As a matter of fact, don’t even watch this whole franchise. I made that mistake of seeing this franchise, and I’m living with that regret. It’s actually surprising that I saw this film out of order. Here is the order I saw the franchise: 3, 4, 2, 5 and 1. I didn’t like any of them, but maybe a few had a couple of chuckling moments, but that’s about it. Just don’t bother with the franchise, as I have already stated.

Oh, thank goodness I am done with this franchise. Now that I have survived all of this, check in tomorrow when I review two classic outer space movies that are fitting for “Halloween Month.”