Surf Ninjas

Well guys, I have sad news. I didn’t get a chance to see the new Ninja Turtles movie before today, so I can’t review that one…yet. However, I don’t want to leave you all out in the dust without a review today, so I think I’ll review another Ninja Turtles knock-off that was something very common among filmmakers in the early to mid-nineties. Let’s see…how about the 1993 surfing-ninjitsu movie, “Surf Ninjas?”

There’s a moment in the beginning of the movie when one of the high school students is asked to introduce an Asian religious leader during a school assembly. One problem: he’s forgotten to prepare something. A usual problem with high school students, they love to procrastinate, don’t they? At the last possible minute, instead of preparing a speech, he gathers some of his friends together and makes them sing the classic Beach Boys song “Barbara Ann,” instead using the religious leader’s name. The leader is played by Keone Young.

This kind of spirited and contagious disrespect is what the film torments its viewers with throughout the 90 minute runtime. Aside from those occasional moments, the film instead relies on familiar themes, lazy comedy and ridiculous martial arts humor. There might have been some inspiration prepared, but that was discarded along the way to rely on using the same old thing we had seen so many times before.

Chris Hicks stated in his review, “A lame cross between the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Bill and Ted (or is that Wayne and Garth?), "Surf Ninjas" is yet another teen (or pre-teen) adventure-comedy that aims so low even kids in the audience find few chuckles.”

Also, this film follows another strange movie rule: Do not use any comedy that casts the late Leslie Nielsen outside the “Naked Gun” trilogy.

Now the story, if there is one, is about Southern California surfing brothers, Johnny and Adam (Ernie Reyes Jr. and Nicolas Cowan), along with their friend Iggy (Rob Schneider), being stalked by ninjas. God seems to be on their side because anytime the ninjas try to attack; another ninja pops up and attacks those ninjas before the boys ever get a chance to realize what is going on.

When the boys eventually meet up with their savior ninja, named Zatch, played by Ernie Reyes Jr.’s father, Ernie Reyes Sr., he tells that he was assigned to protect the boys because they are heirs to the throne of the island called Patu San located in the South China Sea. The ninjas that are trying to kill them have been sent by the half-robotic Colonel Chi, played by Nielsen, who is now the dictator.

For some odd reason that was probably not explained very well, the brothers were spirited off as babies and were adopted by Mac, played by John Karlen, who they thought were their father for their whole lives. The brothers don’t believe this, which is believable, until Mac is kidnapped by Chi’s men.

Zatch then takes Johnny and Adam (and sadly Iggy tags along) to a Patu San restaurant in Los Angeles, where Johnny meets Princess Ro-May, played by one of the hottest actresses, Kelly Hu, who he has been engaged to since they were children.

Now we get to Patu San, where everybody joins in to fight Chi and his henchmen. Also, much to his everlasting shame, I believe, rapper Tone Loc tags along with them in this movie playing an L.A. officer.

I agree with Hicks when he says in his review, “Most of the way, though, the movie is merely another uneasy blend of martial arts action comedy, offbeat anachronisms (especially with Nielsen's character) and occasional music videos.”

The cast seems to be enjoying themselves. Heck, you get the feeling that everyone had a good time making this movie since it was filmed both in Hawaii and Thailand. Sadly, that sense of fun does not sit well with the audience.

Director Neal Israel and writer Dan Gordon seems perfectly content to let the film go on the fascinations of Ernie Reyes Jr., which he does have, undeniably. However, that’s not enough to hold together something weak like this film.

If you get the chance to pass this film up, do so. You’re not missing anything if you don’t watch this film. Maybe when you were a child and you saw this, you probably liked it, but if you saw it again as an adult, you wouldn’t like it at all, I promise you.

Alright everyone, keep your fingers crossed that I will see the new Ninja Turtles movie while it’s still in theaters. I don’t want to wait until I rent it on DVD, because I don’t know how long it will be. Stay tuned, because “Ninja Turtles month” will not be over until the new movie is reviewed.

TMNT

For those of us who grew up watching “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” remember it very fondly and hold that very close to our nostalgic memories. The animated series, which ran from 1987 to 1996, gave us a live-action trilogy, a successful video game franchise, a handful of action figures, and sadly a live concert tour before the marketing was ruined in the late 90s. However, they were brought back with another cartoon series in 2003, which Jason Zingale described as “in the shape of a new animated series that more closely resembled the Kevin Eastman/Peter Laird comic book on which the original cartoon was loosely based.” You probably would have guessed that Hollywood would eventually think of bringing our four friends back on the big screen, which they did in a CGI film that no one would have expected in 2007, simply titled “TMNT.”

This film apparently takes place after the events that transpired in the live-action trilogy, with Shredder successfully killed, and the Turtles are now doing their own separate thing. Leonardo (James Arnold Taylor, who also voiced the titular character, Tidus, in Final Fantasy X) is now in Central America after Master Splinter (the late Mako Iwamatsu, who also did voice work in the hit cartoon series, “Avatar: the Last Airbender,” and “Samurai Jack”) advised him to go there to continue his training, Donatello (Mitchell Whitfield) is now working as a computer support operator, Michelangelo (Mikey Kelley) works as a mascot for kids’ birthday parties, and Raphael (Nolan North) continues to fight crime at night as a masked vigilante known as The Nightwatcher. Sounds like a sidekick that belongs in the Batman comics, doesn’t it? Even April O’Neil (the hot Sarah Michelle Gellar, who played the titular character in the TV Show, “Buffy: the Vampire Slayer”) and Casey Jones (Chris Evans) have slowed it down, but when tech-industrialist Max Winters (Patrick Stewart) teams up with Karai (Zhang Ziyi), who is now the new leader of the Foot Clan, and begins to raise crime in the city, the Turtles get back together to give us radical action sequences.

Now I don’t think I have to say this, but the CGI Turtles looks awesome. Forget about how they looked in the animated series or even in the Jim Henson costumes from the live action trilogy, this is how I believe the Turtles should look if they were to resemble how they were drawn in the comic books. Even though they still wear their color-coded masks that were given to them in the 1987 cartoon, their appearance is far rougher than usual. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for the human characters, which don’t really look as good as the Turtles. I do think it was a smart idea for the studio to call in A-list actors like Gellar and Stewart to voice the human characters in this film, because Jason Zingale says “they're a little too cartoony.”

Unfortunately, not all of the Turtles have equal amount of screen time. Just like in the first live-action film, Raphael is the main focus (with Leonardo given plenty of screen time as the yin to Raphael’s yang), while Michelangelo and Donatello are demoted to playing secondary roles. Still, despite these little drawbacks, I don’t think this film will disappoint Turtle fans. The story is a lot darker in this film and is even reasonably complex, perhaps too complex for kids, while the same silly humor that has been a basis of the cartoon since its first episode is still there. Final verdict: it might be a little too mature for children and too silly for adults, but for teenagers and people in their twenties that grew up watching Ninja Turtles, eating their cereal, dressing up like them for school or Halloween, I think they’ll enjoy this tubular CGI film just fine.

Only complaint that I had on this movie was the plot. I heard that this film was a spin-off of the 2003 cartoon, so for people who are familiar with that cartoon could follow it just fine, but I couldn’t since I never watched the cartoon. However, that didn’t mean that I didn’t enjoy this movie, because I did. I just embraced my inner child that is still a fan of the Ninja Turtles and I loved watching this film from beginning to end. Sadly, I didn’t get to watch this really righteous movie in theaters, but I did watch it online when it was available.

Also, I just wanted to apologize for posting this late. I had gotten started on this review before I was called to do some stuff.

Now I have to pick a day to watch the latest movie, which hopefully I will before I post the finale to Ninja Turtles Month next week. Stay tuned dudes to find out what I thought about it. All there is left to say is: Cowabunga and Turtle Power.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III

Well dudes, it’s time to talk about “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III,” released in 1993. Before I start the review, I would like to talk about when I watched this movie. If you remember in my review of the first movie, I said that my cousin lent me his VHS copy. I probably recall him saying that he also had the third one on VHS, but I never asked him if I could borrow it. Even my friend, who owned all three movies on VHS and I saw the second one at his house, I never got a chance to see the movie the next time I went over his house. It wasn’t until years later when I saw Angry Video Game Nerd’s critical thrashing on the movie that my curiosity got to me. I was thinking, “Is the movie really this bad that AVGN called this the worst movie he’s ever seen?” Even after seeing The Nostalgia Critic’s review on all three movies did I really want to see the movie. I asked the same cousin who lent me his copy of the first movie if I could borrow his copy of the third movie, but he could not find it. Thankfully, someone had uploaded the whole movie on YouTube, so I checked it out there. Now that I got that out of the way, let’s get started on this really righteous review.

This movie is less violent and more scenic than the last two movies, since the Turtles are taken out of the sewers and are transported back in time to feudal Japan. There, they go native while saying “Whoa!” and “Check it out!” and everything that makes them stay within their own roots, which is a good thing.

This film, written and directed by Stuart Gillard, has a straight action plot involving a samurai named Lord Norinaga (Sab Shimono), his son Kenshin (Henry Hayashi), Kenshin’s girlfriend Mitsu (Vivian Wu), and cowboy Walker (Stuart Wilson). Adult viewers will not be surprised but at least it will hold their children’s attention. The story is unremarkable, by time-traveling standards, that it would be hard for you to realize that the Turtles have hard shells and green, spotty heads. The casual humor, said by the Turtles and Elias Koteas returning as Casey Jones, I found to be funny.

The story starts when April, reprised by Paige Turco, the Turtles’ loyal friend, switches places with Kenshin through a scepter she bought, and the Turtles travel back to 1603 Japan to rescue her. Janet Maslin said in her review, “It's worth mentioning that Paige gets to fight alongside her friends and deliver scorching wisecracks, or at least lines that 5-year-olds in the audience will find funny.” Through the standards that Hollywood has set, she is almost given one of the best women’s roles.

Even the Turtles are better-natured in this one, and are made calm. They usually just joke around until the last fight sequence, which involves them kicking and using their weapons. (Maslin cautioned, “Young viewers should be kept away from kitchen knives when they get home.) Count on the Turtles making pop-culture references like Clint Eastwood, Wayne’s World, Geraldo Rivera, pizza, Frisbees and so on. Even when they are in the 17^th-Century, it’s like they are still home.

Leonardo is played by Mark Caso and voiced by Brian Tochi, Michelangelo is played by David Fraser and voiced by Robbie Rist, Donatello is played by Jim Raposa and voiced by Corey Feldman, Raphael is played and voiced by Matt Hill, and Splinter is played and voiced by James Murray.

My thoughts on this movie are that it’s not as bad as everyone says it is. I agree it’s the worst in the Turtles trilogy, but not one of the worst sequels. There are other sequels that are far worse than this one, like Spy Kids 4, Jaws: the Revenge, and Free Willy 3 to name a few. Also, it’s not one of the worst comic book adaptations. Other comic book movies are far more painful than this one, like Superman 4 and Batman & Robin. Finally, I wouldn’t even consider this one of the worst movies ever made, or even “the” worst movie ever made. For AVGN and Nostalgia Critic to say something like that is a “real” stretch. There are movies that are far worse than Ninja Turtles III. From a comment that I remember reading under AVGN's video, this movie was supposed to show how the 80s cartoon went downhill with the last couple of seasons. Shredder was in Dimension X with the rest of the main villains, and the Turtles were fighting General Dregg, the Turtles were mutating into Hulk versions of themselves, and having a new ally named Carter. That could be the case, since the series ended in 1996. Also, there are some good things in this movie, like Michelangelo falling in love and Raphael teaching one kid, Yoshi, played by Travis A. Moon, how to control his temper. In any case, I know that I already stated that I like this movie and everyone else hates it, but dudes, give this film a chance and have a bodacious time watching it.

Alright dudes, stay tuned next week when I talk about the radical and tubular CGI movie. COWABUNGA!!!!

Guardians of the Galaxy

Special treat today everyone! I saw “Guardians of the Galaxy” today, so I would like to share with everyone what I thought about it. Now this film was released 10 days ago and it’s one of the most hyped up Marvel movies ever. Is it as good as everyone was expecting? Let’s find out:

All I can say is that this film is a terrific swashbuckler. It’s definitely up there with one of the best Marvel movies and one of the best comic book movies ever made.

Scott Mendelson of Forbes stated in his review:

I don’t know if Guardians of the Galaxy will be that late-breaking summer entry that comes to define the summer movie season in a positive light (think Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl, The Dark Knight, or Inception). I don’t know whether this heavily sci-fi franchise starter based on a barely known cult property without any out-and-out movie stars will play as well with general audiences as somewhat more Earthbound pictures like the first Thor or Captain America. I do know that writer/director James Gunn and co-writer Nicole Perlman’s Guardians of the Galaxy is an absolutely crackling action-adventure film, a dazzling and engaging bit of optimistic sci-fi melodrama.

The film has inventive sight to spare, but it remains fixed on character chemistry and successful broad-strokes storytelling makes the action moments more than animal moments. The irony of this film being distributed by Walt Disney Studios is that it captures the real swashbuckling fun and wide-eyed wonder that “Star Wars” did so well that you don’t feel the need for another “Star Wars” trilogy.

After an emotional prologue explaining how human adventurer Peter Quill, played by Chris Pratt, ended up in outer space, and a curtain raiser/Indiana Jones homage that puts the story into place, the film really picks up with introducing the supporting cast of unlikely teammates and (potentially) rising superheroes. Quill’s successful capture of an orb gets the attention of bounty hunters Rocket (a talking raccoon voiced by graduate of the Actors Studio in Pace University, Bradley Cooper) and Groot (a mostly silent tree voiced once in a while by action star Vin Diesel), as well as an assassin named Gamora (Zoe Saldana) with a close relationship to both Ronan the Accuser, the film’s main villain (Lee Pace) and the main villain of The Avengers, Thanos (quick cameo by the very beloved Josh Brolin, who is also Diane Lane's ex-husband). Eventually they meet up with Drax the Destroyer, played by former professional wrestler Dave Bautista, a man who wants to avenge his wife and daughter’s death by killing Ronan.

Completely new people may be slightly confused during the first half-hour, but only because the Thanos plot somewhat messes up the sake of making a film that originally was supposed to be released in 2018 or 2019. But once the battle formalities are set up, audiences will know that the scary person in a cape and the scary bald woman, played by Karen Gillian, are the villains and the wise-cracking planet-hopping vigilantes are our main heroes. There are plenty of other supporting characters, and casting directors Sarah Finn and Reg Poerscout-Edgerton were right to cast recognizable and visually different actors, including the beloved John C. Reilly, Michael Rooker, Benecio Del Toro, Djimon Hounson, and Glenn Close, to make sure that audiences at least know who they are seeing in the movie.

The story perfectly establishes Ronan’s genocidal plot, which involves using the orb to wipe out an entire planet, and you won’t be surprised with the events that follow. But you will be entertained, as the film focuses on the funny chemistry not only between the main characters but also with the number of allies and enemies they meet up with. I’m with Mendelson when he stated, “I don’t want to spoil anything, but the pay-offs, both in terms of action highlights and specific choices that certain characters make, exhibit the kind of old-school showmanship that often feels missing from modern blockbuster entertainments.” Ironically, at its best, the film strongly looks like the hesitant self-sacrifice/surrogate family self-motivated that made the Joss Whedon television shows so engaging.

The overall good feel is there throughout, from the really amusing interaction between the characters to the attractively colorful visuals. Cinematographer Ben Davis and production designer Charles Wood have helped put together an attractively detailed movie, both in terms of the actual lived-in environment to the pure sharpness of the image itself. Mendelson said in his review, “I can’t speak to the IMAX (IMAX Corporation) presentation, which apparently features shifting aspect ratios, but this was some of the most crystal-clear 3D work I’ve seen this side of Avatar. This is just a vivid and splendidly colorful movie, and since my wife is fascinated by the idea of a violent talking raccoon, I may-well find the time to see it again to sample the IMAX presentation.”

The film actually gets better as the movie goes on. Director James Gunn proves himself almost as skilled when he makes the ever-important third act as Peter Jackson or James Cameron. The final situations are just about narrative pay-offs and character arcs as they are about big-scale crowd-pleasing actions. Mendelson said, “One third act detail I will mention is that when our heroes alert the proper authorities about the situation at hand, said authorities respond exactly as you would hope they would.” In today’s society of increasing government fights and in a genre often sheered in “little government versus big government,” it was nice to not see bureaucrats acting foolish on the fact of manufactured difference. Mendelson commented, “How the “cavalry” chooses to respond results in not just a dramatically pleasing development but a rather stunning visual that I wouldn’t dream of revealing.” We get a handful of “big moments” for every major character in the last moment, including one “stand up and cheer” character beat that does a serious denial to the kind of collateral damage we’ve seen in blockbusters of this kind.

Mendelson is right when he said, “This is a fires-on-all-cylinders success.” The character work is great, the action sequences are both clever and consistent, the script is funny and makes sense throughout, and the simple story is told with both intelligence and emotional respect. There are surprisingly a few bad moments, and any kind of nice touches (the way the film plays 70/80’s pop music is really nice) give back for a few narrative misses as the film continues. Funny and exciting from beginning to end, with strong character, strong emotional moments, and just complete eye-candy, “Guardians of the Galaxy” is one of the best Marvel films ever. “Guardians of the Galaxy” is like a great “Star Wars” movie in the same way (the clearly more humorous) “Galaxy Quest” was a great “Star Trek” movie. The film ends with the text “The Guardians of the Galaxy will return” and for the first time in a long time such a mock feels more like a promise than a threat. This is great entertainment, probably on the same level as the Iron Man movies and the second Thor.

Spoiler alert: In a post-credits scene, Tivan, played by Del Toro, sits in his destroyed lab with two of his living exhibits: Cosmo the Spacedog (Fred) and Howard the Duck (“Robot Chicken” creator, voice of Chris Griffin, Dylan Flannigan and Neil Goldman from “Family Guy” and played Oz on “Buffy, the Vampire Slayer,” Seth Green).

If you are in the mood to be entertained this summer, definitely go to the theater to check this film out, you will love it. It’s not as good as “Captain America: The Winter Soldier,” but probably on par with “Thor: the Dark World.” Still, you will like this one if you see it. I consider this another one of my favorites. Well, looks like I have built up the reviews with every Avengers phase movies ever released. Stay tuned when “Avengers: Age of Ultron” is released to find out what I thought of both the Avengers movies.

Check in this Friday for the continuation of Ninja Turtles month.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze

Dudes, I want to apologize for posting this late. I was out having a radical time at the Otakon convention for the first time that I was not near a computer for a good majority of the day. But enough about that, you’re probably wondering what I thought of the tubular 1991 sequel, “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze.” Well, I didn’t know that they had made a sequel to the movie until I was 11 when I was over a friend’s house and he showed me the movie. I only got to see the first half of the movie and didn’t get to finish it until the next year when we got cable and the movies were on the movie channels a lot. Here’s what I thought of it:

Traditionalists will complain that the Turtles fight less, goof off more and distant too far from their beloved sewers. However, for other people these are explicit improvements, just like the more varied settings, changing the actress of April O’Neil to Paige Turco, David Warner as Professor Jordan Perry, an actor that parents will be able to recognize, and how the Turtles fight scenes that look like playful dance sequences, which they essentially are. If the Turtles maintain on being a mainstream box-office movie, at least they now have the courtesy to make a mainstream movie.

There is a reasonable argument that Michelangelo (puppetry done by Mak Wilson and Michelan Sisti, voiced by Robbie Rist), Donatello (puppetry done by Rob Mills and Leif Tilden, voiced by Adam Carl), Raphael (puppetry done by David Greenaway and Kenn Troum, voiced by Laurie Faso), and Leonardo (puppetry done by Robert Tygner and Mark Caso, voiced by Brian Tochi) represent everything that has messed up Western civilization. It begins with the Turtles’ fascination with junk food, moves on to the delight they take in gathering big tabloid headlines, and ends with the fact that they were given names from a Renaissance art book that their mentor Splinter (puppetry done by Rickey Boyd, Kevin Clash and Sue Dacre, voiced by Kevin Clash), the world’s most famous man-sized rat, one found in a gutter.

Janet Maslin of the New York Times said in her review of this film, “Of course, these streaks of adolescent anarchy are also what make the Turtles so bodacious, as they themselves might put it, and such irresistible role models for anyone too small to know better.” Capitalizing on their own greatest qualities, the Turtles this time also throw in rap music (done very poorly by the dumb rapper Vanilla Ice), references to pop celebrities like Arnold Schwarzenegger, a complicated disco kung fu sequence, and a friendly nod to the competition. Maslin commented in her review, “Bart Simpson's likeness is seen on a glass filled with a foul-smelling antidote to toxic waste.”

Dedicated to the memory of the great Jim Henson, this film shows that the Turtles are still staying in April’s apartment. Like everything else in this second installment, April looks better, largely due to the fact that she is portrayed by a different actress and makes no attempt to look like the previous actress. Maslin noted in her review, “The audience, however avid, is not expected to have much of an attention span.”

April is still friendly and forgiving, but her patience is being tired by the skateboards, comic books, pizza cartons and other accumulation scattered around her apartment by these fun-loving turtles. “The is the cleanest one,” she moans, thinking of Splinter, who also moved in. Maslin stated in her review, “Whiskery and damp-eyed as ever, he is the one exception to the now-looks-better rule.”

This story, written by Todd W. Langen and directed by Michael Pressman, takes the Turtles back to their roots, which is the ooze. When April reports on an attempt to move a toxic landfill, she accidentally bumps into the same ooze (look at the subtitle) that turned the Turtles from small green pets to world-famous movie stars, and onto the part that this ooze is given to Shredder (played by François Chau, but voiced by David McCharen), practically invisible inside the same metal helmet with shingles, the Turtles’ main enemy.

These developments, which have the predictable effect of making the Turtles fighting furious, also make them thoughtful. It’s depressing, one tells Splinter, to think their special powers are no more magical than the substance of the canister. "Do not confuse your origins with your present worth," advises Splinter, sounding very much like Mr. Miyagi. Regardless of what the people might think of his syntax, you can see a reasonable message.

The Turtles, when not fighting the Shredder or giving Vanilla Ice the subject of his rap song, joke around in very enjoyable ways. They clean April’s apartment while doing a dance number; they talk in football huddles; they try out new words (“Ec-lectic!”) to replace the traditional Turtle saying, for those who don’t know, it’s “Cowabunga!” Anyone who did not know that will probably not care to find out in this movie.

Also in this film are two monstrous villains known as Tokka (puppetry done by Kurt Bryant and Rick Lyon, voiced by Frank Welker) and Rahzar (puppetry done by Mark Ginther and Gord Robertson, voiced by Frank Welker), who were at first respectively a snapping turtle and wolf. I watched both the Nostalgia Critic and Angry Video Game Nerd's review on the Ninja Turtles movies, and they both called Tokka and Rahzar Bebop and Rocksteady. I understand they were attached to the cartoon series, but when I saw this movie, I kept calling them Tokka and Rahzar because I also played the video games a lot. On the human side of the tale, Ernie Reyes Jr. does well as a pizza delivery boy whose job is the film’s karate kid. Professional wrestler Kevin Nash plays Super Shredder and Toshishiro Obata reprises his role as Tatsu. They can undeniably be found at the toy store as well as the big screen.

Despite the fact that the violence was toned down, the Turtles not saying “darn” (I’m using the replacement word), and not being as good as the first, this sequel is still enjoyable to watch if you embrace the inner child in you. Like how “Batman Forever” became more child-friendly, this film did the same thing. If you liked the first one, give this one a chance because you should say that this film will be enjoyable, through the eyes of a child.

You want to know how the third film in the live-action series was? Stay tuned next week to find out dudes.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

Cowabunga dudes! The new Ninja Turtles movie is coming out in about a week. You know what that means? NINJA TURTLES MONTH!!! Growing up, I was a “hero in a half shell” fan since I watched the 80s Ninja Turtles cartoon. I forget how old I was when I found out that they made a live-action movie back in 1990. If I remember correctly, I think I was about eight or nine, believe it or not, and that was only because my cousin let me borrow his VHS copy of it. I never saw any commercials for it on TV, nor did I see the movie on TV, but it was a few years after the movie came out on VHS that I saw it thanks to my cousin. To celebrate, I will review every feature-length Ninja Turtles movie every week of this month leading up to the new one that I will hopefully see before the month is out. So make sure to either dress up or grab something that is Ninja Turtles related, and enjoy my review on the first “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” live action movie.

New York is being flooded by a series of crimes that are caused by young members of a ninja clan that call themselves the Foot. How strange of a name is that? Maybe it’s because Ninjitsu requires a lot of footwork, but then again, I’ve never taken any self-defense lessons in any form of fighting, so it shows you how much I know. Their leader: the diabolical Shredder (played by James Saito, but voiced by David McCharen), whose face is covered behind a mask and you can only see his eyes, and it owes very much to the traditional Japanese armor, similar to Darth Vader’s helmet. People have described this character as a Darth Vader rip-off, especially with the "I am your father" line. Television reporter April O’Neil, played by Judith Hoag, is assigned to this case, demanding that she is put on the case by the satisfied police force and making herself a target for the Foot Clan. What no New York citizen knows is that among them are four rather unusual citizens to fight the Foot Clan on the streets: Michelangelo (puppetry done by Mark Wilson and Michelan Sisti, and voiced by Robbie Rist), Donatello (puppetry done by Leif Tilden and David Rudman, and voiced by Corey Feldman), Leonardo (puppetry done by David Forman and Martin P. Robinson, and voiced by Brian Tochi) and Raphael (puppetry done by David Greenway and Josh Pais, and voiced by Josh Pais), the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Their specialty is that they live in the sewers, study Ninjitsu, eat pizza, and say catchphrases that are so outdated. But that’s what makes them so cool, especially with Michelangelo imitating Sylvester Stallone's character, Rocky Balboa, and James Cagney. With the help from their martial-arts master, a rat named Splinter (puppetry done by Kevin Clash, Rickey Boyd and Robert Tygner, and voiced by Kevin Clash) and a vigilante named Casey Jones, played by Elias Koteas, the Turtles team up with April to take down Shredder and the Foot Clan. Trouble then arrives when April’s boss, played by Raymond Serra, fires her, Shredder kidnaps Splinter, and Raphael gets seriously injured after getting massacred by the Foot Clan. April, Casey, and the Turtles escape to April’s old farmhouse to recover from everything, then return to New York to take down the Foot Clan, resulting in a relay that tests the limits of their abilities. April is rehired, Casey confesses his love for April, and the Turtles are reunited with Splinter.

You might be wondering why any director would want to pick up the rights to make a live-action movie of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? The obvious answer is that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, who started off as comic book characters, then got their own cartoon show and a radical amount of merchandise, have a magnificent pre-teen following that could fill the theater seats, on their own and in the presence of their parents and baby sitters. TV Guide has said in their review of this film, “But, unlike THE GARBAGE PAIL KIDS MOVIE or other films inspired by existing marketing concepts, TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES is entertaining enough to gloss over the crassness of its underpinnings.” Brought to life by state-of-the-art special effects methods that bring together performers in full-body suits with radio-controlled animation (thanks to the puppet master, Jim Henson), the Turtles and Splinter come out as real characters as opposed to larger-than-life advertising come-ons. On top of that, the relationships which motivate Splinter, the Turtles, and any of the human characters are positive without being overly sentimental. The idea of family appears large in the story. Shredder’s Foot Clan only become his members because of rejection from their own family. The Clan’s headquarters is just mindless, filled with pool tables, skateboarding, video games, cigarettes (yes, you heard right), and junk food, but what is missing is that it offers a sense of belonging and camaraderie. When the Foot Clan finally wakes up and sees that they are being used, their obedience to Shredder finally is stopped. In contrast, Splinter is a positive parental figure, who teaches the Turtles that their strength is not from their Ninjitsu, but from the love and respect the four have for one another. TV Guide mentioned in their review:

“Offset by the Turtles' Val-speak sarcasm and by action sequences staged with a hip nod to years of martial-arts movie conventions, the message goes down pretty smoothly. And while many reviewers were put off by Splinter's rheumy-eyed philosophizing and the Turtles' ninja antics, the movie's youthful target audience squealed with delight.”

A noticeable mistake in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles story is the equally dark cinematography. Despite noir visuals, this description often becomes distracting. The flashback to how the Turtles became Ninjas, which (for those of you who don’t know) is they were little pet store turtles that were exposed to radioactive ooze, and they meet up with Splinter, who was once a pet rat to a Japanese martial arts master named Hamato Yoshi, is said by TV Guide to be “so underlit that without the rat's voice-over narration it would be difficult to follow.” That could be corrected in the future Ninja Turtles movies to come.

In the end, despite the drawbacks to this film, it still holds up very well today, much like Tim Burton’s “Batman.” If you haven’t seen this film yet and you are a Ninja Turtles fan, definitely check this one out, it’s a must. I wouldn’t say this is one of my favorite films, but a childhood memory that I hold very close to me since I looked up to the Ninja Turtles as a kid and I still am an old-school Ninja Turtles fan to this day. Stay tuned next week dudes to see how the sequel was. Sorry about posting this late, I was out for a good majority of the day.