Conan the Destroyer

When you watch “Conan the Destroyer,” released in 1984, if you look closely, is the beginning of a movie era. Roger Ebert said in his review, “This is the film that points the way to an indefinite series of Conan adventures -- one that could even replace Tarzan in supplying our need for a noble savage in the movies. Tarzan was more or less stuck in Africa; Conan can venture wherever his sword and sorcery can take him.” The first Conan movie, “Conan the Barbarian,” was a dark and depressing fantasy about the dark time in the medieval period. The sequel is sillier, funnier and more entertaining. It doesn’t occur before the dawn of time, but actually in the dark time of movie history with queens and monsters, swords and castles, warriors and jesters.

Ebert said, “There's more Prince Valiant and King Arthur than "Quest for Fire."”

Conan is also changed a little as well. He doesn’t take himself as seriously. Ebert describes, “He's not just a muscle-bound superman, but a superstitious half-savage who gets very nervous in the presence of magic.” Arnold Schwarzenegger, who reprises Conan, does a hilarious change of making his pop character: Like James Bond, Conan now a big apart from the nonstop action he’s surrounded by, and sees it with a bit of enjoyment. The story this time is about the usual gibberish. Conan is asked by the evil queen Taramis (Sarah Douglas) to take her niece, virgin princess (Olivia d’Abo) on a mission to an enchanted crystal palace that has a beast, etc. He is joined on this mission by the thief Malak (Tracey Walter) and Bombaata, the head of the queen’s palace guard (Wilt Chamberlain). As their on their way, he rescues a tough female warrior named Zula, played by Grace Jones, and gets her lifelong appreciation. Mako is also back as Akira the Wizard.

Ebert said, “Let's face it. The Conan series does not require extraordinary acting ability, although Schwarzenegger provides a sound professional center to the story, and the film would be impossible if he couldn't carry off Conan. The characters around him, however, are basically atmosphere, and that frees the filmmakers to abandon the usual overexposed Hollywood character actors and go for really interesting types like Chamberlain and Jones.” Grace Jones is amazing here. She has every strength and likeness of a famous action heroine, and everything is there in her role as Zula, the tough fighter. Sarah Douglas gives the needed proud hostility as the queen, Chamberlain gives a nice attempt at the downplayed role of the head of the guard, and only D’Abo is a disappointment: Her princess looks to have been dragged from a teenage flick.

“Conan the Destroyer” is lighter than the first Conan movie, and it probably has more nonstop action, including a good scene in the glass palace. Compared to the first film, which was rated R for some really bloody violence, this one is lighter. Ebert ended his review by saying, “That's part of the idea, I think: They're repackaging Conan as your friendly family barbarian.”

I have to be honest; this is a guilty pleasure to me. Once in a while something interesting happens and it is an epically stupid movie. I do agree this may be a bad movie, but it’s an enjoyably bad movie. I like how lighter and funnier it is in tone with the more comic relief characters and I think they did a good job here. So if you have seen the first movie and you enjoyed it, I definitely say check out the sequel. Give it a chance and watch it because I think you will have an enjoyably laughable time watching it, even though people tend to wrongfully bash on this movie. Especially see it if you’re a Schwarzenegger fan.

However, despite their being two Conan movies, there was also a Marvel comics series of “Conan the Barbarian.” In that series, there was a character that had also appeared in Robert E. Howard’s short story The Shadow of the Vulture. That character then went on to have a film adaptation, which took place in the same time period as the Conan movies, the Hyborian Age. If you want to know how that one was, stay tuned next week to find out in “Conan Month.”