Conan the Barbarian (2011)

The 2011 remake of “Conan the Barbarian” consists of a fight of people whose vernaculars are restricted to screams, pledges, howls, releases, shrieks, swears, screeches, wails, bellows, yelps and woofs. Roger Ebert admitted in his review, “I'd love to get my hands on the paycheck for subtitling this movie.”

I don’t think I need to say what the plot is. You have these Barbarians, and they kill one another in an endless amount of mindless fights. Ebert said, “I guess Conan is the good guy, but what difference does it make? He has no cause or belief.” He wants revenge against the evil Khalar Zym (Stephan Lang), who stuck Conan’s father under molten iron, tasked young Conan (Leo Howard) to use his little muscles to try to keep it from slanting, and shouts at the old man: “You will watch your child die trying to save you!”

Thankfully, Conan, played by Jason Momoa, survives and grows up with nothing but a graphic scar on his face, where some disobedient molten iron fell. He and his father Corin, played by Ron Perlman, and had before made his sword, from what Ebert said was “at the steel moltery.” However before, the infant Conan was put on a battlefield by an emergency Caesarian done by Corin’s own sword on the kid’s mother, played by Laila Rouass, who survives long enough to say, “He shall be named Conan.” She was hanging on by a thread to say, “Conan the Barbarian.”

The movie is filled with mindless action. Ebert notes, “People who despair of convincing me to play video games tell me, "Maybe if you could just watch someone else playing one!" I feel as if I now have.” Conan stabs, beheads, cuts apart and in every other way kills people of so many different cities, each time in some insane way. The evil Khalar Zym and his daughter Marique (Rose McGowan) show up a lot, saying nonsense, especially towards Conan’s female warrior friend Tamara (Rachel Nichols).

Marique is something else. She has white makeup, blood red lips, and cute little tattoos on her face and insanely sharp metal talons on her fingers. In one part, she blows some magic dust at Conan, and that turns into an army made of sand. This is a nice special effect, but it makes you ask if you turn back to sand when Conan stabs you, what is point then?

Ebert said, “The film ends with a very long battle involving Conan, Khalar Zym, Tamara and Marique, a sentence I never thought I'd write. It takes place largely with Tamara strapped to a revolving wheel above a vertiginous drop to flames far below.” A volcano is said, but never really explained. The entire cave deteriorates around them, large boulders tumbling everywhere except, strangely enough, on them.

Ebert noted, “"Conan the Barbarian" is a brutal, crude, witless high-tech CGI contrivance, in which no artificial technique has been overlooked, including 3-D.” The third dimension once again shows the idea that when a movie mainly takes place indoors in dark areas, the last thing you need is dark glasses.

Wow is this one of the worst remakes to such a great movie. This is nothing more than a mindless action flick that resolves nothing. It was just made for money and that’s it. Don’t ever watch this, especially if you liked the original. You will hate every minute of it, I assure you. I wish I had never even played this piece of trash, and I regret doing that.

Alright, we have now ended “Conan Month.” I hope everyone enjoyed this month, even though we did get worse as the month went on, but that’s not the first time this has happened. Stay tuned for next month to see what I have in store for everyone.

Captain Marvel

Tonight I went and saw “Captain Marvel,” which came out a little over three weeks ago, and I will let you know what I thought about it.

The basic story is a soldier named Vers (Brie Larson) is training to fight a war with Kree leader Yon-Rogg (Jude Law). She then gets kidnapped and questioned by the enemy Skrull Talos, played by Ben Mendelsohn), she starts to get flashes of her past on Earth as Air Force pilot Carl Danvers. Chasing her captors there, she must save Earth with the help of Nick Fury, reprised by Samuel L. Jackson.

Starting on an alien planet with a completely new set of characters is some way to start the new huge new superhero origin story. Helen O’Hara said in her review, “But then directors Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck, the team behind Mississippi Grind and Half Nelson, don’t pander to audiences.” So they start off on an alien planet of Hala and introduce us to Vers, a high-powered soldier with amnesia training to join “noble warrior heroes” the Kree. She mocks at authority, pushes herself so far and sometimes gets really worked up. She’s Marvel’s first solo female lead and she is not here to fool around.

O’Hara suggested, “If you’ve been slacking in Marvel history class you’ll have to figure out both Kree and Skrull on the fly, because the film doesn’t pause for exposition.” This planet’s population is under control of an A.I. named the Supreme Intelligence. Vers is under the teachings of a Kree named Yon-Rogg, a charming leader who prepares her for the war against the shape-shifting Skrull. “Guardians of the Galaxy’s” villain Ronan the Accuser is in here (Lee Pace makes an appearance) but that doesn’t mean all of them are mindless murderers. O’Hara compared, “The Skrull, meanwhile, look like Deep Space Nine visitors, or alternatively like literally anyone, thanks to those camouflage abilities, and that sneaky power creates a rich fug of paranoia over the whole story.”

In some way, Vers and her enemies land on Earth in 1995. The Skrull, led by Talos, are looking for Dr. Wendy Lawson, played by Annette Bening, to get a very important part of technology she invented. Vers, who’s beginning to remember her past, finds out that she was once Air Force pilot Carl Danvers and that Lawson was her boss. She joins with S.H.I.E.L.D.’s Nick Fury and old friend Maria Rambeau (Lashana Lynch, lightly avoiding limiting token-black-friend clichés) along with Maria’s daughter (Akira Akbar) to retrieve the technology and save the planet.

O’Hara said, “There’s a lot to absorb — a few pauses in the first act might have been welcome — and the film is so anxious to emphasise Danvers’ toughness that it sometimes forgets to allow us to glimpse her inner life and (presumable) insecurities; it’s a good thing that Larson is both gifted and charismatic, or she’d be a little dull. It also feels like it’s been chopped down a lot: some glimpses of Mckenna Grace as the young Carol, showing her troubled relationship with her dad (Kenneth Mitchell), feel surprisingly thin.” You also see that there might have been more for Bening to do, seeing how good she is in the small role she has in the film.

O’Hara credited, “Still, once Danvers connects with Fury, their odd-couple banter blasts the film into the stratosphere. There are small but fun fight scenes highlighting Danvers’ tenacity, and the joy of seeing Fury having things explained to him for once.” There’s a nice cat named Goose who Fury falls in love with and threatens to be the highlight of the movie. Everything falls back to a nostalgic ‘90s soundtrack, with dancing songs from really popular singers like TLC, Elastica and Hole. As Danvers spends time with Rambeau, we see our first real look beneath her exterior and into her human side.

O’Hara noted, “It’s the last act before this film truly lives up to its potential, but at crunch time it delivers in a more satisfying way than almost any other superhero film of recent years. Carol Danvers’ final battle offers a radical message and becomes a powerful metaphor for what could happen if we stop waiting to be told that we are enough; if we stop believing the people who tell us we’re too emotional or too weak.” “Captain Marvel” tell viewers that when we stop looking for satisfaction, we can really get high standards. O’Hara said, “This is not another cheap girl-power cliché; it’s an explicitly feminist apotheosis.” Some people will find it all over the place to watch. “Captain Marvel” gets zero compromises to please anyone in or win them over to Carol Danvers’ point of view. If that makes it hard for some people to relate to her, she’ll be fine.

O’Hara said, “As a Nick Fury buddy comedy, it’s fun. As a feminist fable it’s essential.” It takes a while to move forward, but when Carl Danvers starts moving she is unstoppable. 

Spoiler Alert: in the mid-credit scene, in the present day, the pager which Fury had activated is being looked on by Steve Rogers (Chris Evans), Natasha Romanoff (Scarlett Johansson), Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo) and James Rhodes (Don Cheadle) when Danvers shows up and asks where Fury is. In the post-credit scene set in 1995, the cat Goose climbs on Fury's desk and throws up the Tesseract.

This is a nice throwback to those who grew up in the ‘90s, like myself. You should definitely see this. Ignore what other people hate on this movie. It’s the polar opposite of “Justice League,” where critics hated that but audiences loved it. With “Captain Marvel,” critics are praising it but audiences are thrashing it. There’s nothing wrong with this movie. It’s the MCU’s answer to “Wonder Woman.” Brie Larson killed it in the role. There’s not a whole lot of action, there’s a lot of dialogue-driven scenes that people could consider to be slow scenes, but I feel the people who made this were following “Black Panther’s” method. I think they did a good job, and it’s another one of my favorite comic book movies. Go see it, it’s a good movie that you should watch, and is a great preparation for “Avengers: Endgame.”

Thank you for joining in on tonight’s review. Look out Friday for the conclusion of “Conan Month.”

Kull the Conquerer

“Kull the Conqueror,” released in 1997, is the third of the novel characters created by the 1930s writer Robert E. Howard, adapted on the screen. The others are “Conan the Barbarian” and “Red Sonja.” As you remember, the last two characters were played on film by Arnold Schwarzenegger.

This film stars Kevin Sorbo (who you might remember playing Hercules in “Hercules: The Legendary Journeys” and Captain Dylan Hunt in “Andromeda”) as Kull, a character similar to Conan. As I said before, Sorbo is famous for playing Hercules in the popular television show; he is familiar with what he needs to do in this lighthearted sword-and-sorcery movie.

Robert Roten said in his review, “Thankfully, this film is not as dark as Howard's stories were (he committed suicide), but it does have Howard's anti-intellectual view that civilization is corrupt and that society can only be rescued from that corruption by the virtues of the barbarian.”

In the usual Howard story, Kull, a barbarian, becomes King of an evil kingdom (after the king (Sven-Ole Thorsen) has killed his own sons to make sure there is no one to take over the throne), only to be tricked out of his crown by an enchantress. He must travel to some distant place to bring back the black magic to save the kingdom from going under her evil spell.

Roten noted, “The typical no-emotion action hero would go through the film on a single note, but Sorbo is better than that. His performance is surprisingly subtle and well-rounded.” He is a far better actor than Schwarzenegger, but that’s not so far of a stretch. If he is smart in choosing his future movies he will have a really bright future in the movies. Tia Carrere is good as the evil Akivasha and Karina Lombard is helpful as Zareta, the love interest.

Roten made a comparison that, “The action sequences and the special effects are adequate and the sound track sounds like a rock and roll music video, but there are some nice humorous touches along the way.” This is not a bad film, but it is in no way a good one either.

I saw this film on NetFlix and I was laughing while I was watching it. This is one of those laughably enjoyable films that when you watch, you will have a great, fun time watching it. I know it may sound strange that I will say this, but you should see this to see how hilariously bad they made this. Just watch it once then you won’t have to see it again.

Look out next week when we finish off the month with the horrible remake that came out in the beginning of this decade. It sucks that we’re finishing this month off with a terrible film, but it’s not the first time. Just hold on to your vomit bags, as next week we finish off “Conan Month.”

The LEGO Movie 2: The Second Part

I came back tonight from seeing “The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part,” which came out last month, and I will let everyone know my thoughts. Remember when “The Lego Movie” came out in 2014, and how everyone thought it would be a huge cash cow, only to fall out of their seats at how intelligent it was at spitting the product? Remember how, in 2017, “The Lego Batman Movie” ended up being almost as good because Will Arnett voiced Batman as a completely delusional, egomaniacal person? Remember also in 2017 “The Lego Ninjago Movie” and how people wrongfully hated it even though it was such a nice, funny movie that was “really” geared towards kids?

Now we have “The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part,” which is it as good as the first movie? Not really: few things take away from the original concept like a sequel. However, “The Lego Movie 2” has an expertise at throwing things at you with such fast speed that recalls what Chris Miller and Philip Lord did with the last one five years ago. It should. They wrote the screenplay, with Mike Mitchell directing, the same one who also directed “Trolls.” Peter Travers said in his review, “It’s instructive to think back on how Miller and Lord got fired from directing Solo and then the world saw the blandest of Star Wars stories — how we wished we could have seen what this prankish pair would have done with it.” You’ll see great references from such films like “The Matrix” and “2001: A Space Odyssey” in such hilarious ways.

The basic story is since the end with construction worker Emmett Brickowski, reprised by Chris Pratt, and the citizens of Bricksburg, everything is no longer awesome. In the live-action part, Finn (Jaden Sand) and his Sister Bianca (Brooklyn Prince) are Lego lovers at odd’s ends. Bianca’s Lego Duplo characters are now space invaders who’ve changed Bricksburg into Apocalypseburg, whose locals look like they are from the “Mad Max” movies. The team includes Unikitty (Alison Brie), Benny (Charlie Day), Metalbeard (Nick Offerman) and Wyldstyle/Lucy (Elizabeth Banks), who doesn’t think Emmet is able to fight the raiders from Systar. That’s the planet led by General Mayhem (Stephanie Beatriz) and under the control of Queen Watevra Wa’Nabi (Tiffany Haddish), who kidnaps the people to attend her wedding to a very hesitant Batman. In order to save his friends, a new character comes in to help: His name is Rex Dangervest. He’s the tough, polar opposite of Emmet and he’s also voiced by Pratt, with the actor voiced him like a combination of every character he’s played from “Jurassic World” to “Guardians of the Galaxy.” He’s hysterical.

Travers noted, “It’s a drag when the movie pauses to deliver moral lessons about the need to grow up and deal with the world when it’s not awesome. Luckily, the pauses get fewer and fewer. And the good times roll as we watch this Lego menagerie dig itself out of an existential mess.” It’s just for our great screenwriting team to write in jokes that keep coming, along with referencing everyone from Superman (Channing Tatum) and teen vampires to Abraham Lincoln (Will Forte) and Ruth Bader Ginsburg. There’s even a new song titled Catchy Song that you won’t stop singing even if you try not to. (You will try, just like with Everything is Awesome.) Another song, Super Cool, plays at the end credits just to praise the energetic end credits. “The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part” never stops, which is one of its flaws. Can there really be too much of a good thing? Obviously not!

If you loved the first “Lego Movie,” then you absolutely fall in love with this one. Maya Rudolph makes a cameo in here, and you also hear Will Farrell in the background. Even though this movie isn’t as good as the first movie, I give it credit for the material they tried in here and praise the comedy, like always. Too many references in here that it’s hard to keep up with all the jokes because you’ll be too busy laughing and a soundtrack which, once again, is lively and energetic that you won’t stop singing once you buy it off of iTunes. Definitely go to the theaters to see this one, it’s one that should not be missed.

Thank you for joining in on today’s review, check in this Friday for the continuation of “Conan Month.”

Red Sonja

In “Red Sonja,” released in 1985, certain things seem to be done better than the wrongfully bashed “Conan the Destroyer.” Even though this has a lower budget, the production values are done better, thanks to a handful of familiar Italians. (“Red Sonja” was shot completely in Italy.) Even though it looks nice, Federico Fellini’s usual cinematographer (Giuseppe Rotunno) and art director (Danilo Donati) were working on this film. With some exceptions (Carlo Cavagna said in his review, “in particular a set ripped off from The Police's "Wrapped Around Your Finger" video”), they estimated the epic quality of the original “Conan the Barbarian.” Composer Ennio Morricone continues the tradition of great scoring done in the first two Howard adaptations. Sadly, the score is the most exciting part in the movie, and the opening credits are the most watchable part. After five minutes, you’ve seen the entirety of “Red Sonja” that’s worth seeing. The remainder of the movie is about Sonja’s journey for revenge against Queen Gedren, who murdered Sonja’s family and let her soldiers to rape her.

It would take too long to say everything that hurts “Red Sonja,” but three things particularly are noticeable. First, and most shocking, is Swedish model Brigitte Nielsen in her American film debut, with her fifteen minutes of fame still ahead of her. She make co-star Arnold Schwarzenegger look worthy of an Oscar. Cavagna said, “Nielsen rarely changes expression, and the few times she does, she is funnier than any of the intentional comedy (more on that in a moment). Her action sequences are similarly stiff. Nielsen does look good, however–I'll give her that–particularly because Red Sonja predates her eccentrically large breast implants. Although a bit under-aerobicized by today's exigent standards for female action heroines, she is impressively lithe and statuesque.”

Second is Ernie Reyes Jr., as aggravating ten-year-old Prince Tarn. He and his loyal servant Falkon, played by Paul L. Smith, are the comic relief, but there’s no relief from the comic relief. Cavagna noted, “Imagine an extremely petulant, spoiled version of Indiana Jones' sidekick Short Round in Temple of Doom, and you get the idea. In fact, that's probably where the writers got the idea themselves. Heaven forbid they should think up anything original.”

Third is the choice for returning director Richard Fleischer, who also did “Conan the Destroyer.” Cavagna said, “He wastes the efforts of the Italian contingent by turning in an even more lackadaisical directorial effort. There's even a boom mike visible in one scene. Fleischer could have directed this movie from his living room via speaker phone and achieved the same result.” Obviously, Fleischer should have been tougher with Nielsen! Make her work on her acting a little – if you do enough takes, she’s going to say her lines halfway decent sometime, even if unintentionally. Cavagna said, “A novice director could have elicited an equally evocative performance from a tree stump.”

What is Arnold doing in this movie? He was under a contract to star in a third Conan movie, but once his movie career launched, he was reluctant for that. Executive producer Dino de Laurentiis generously allowed Arnold to work off his contract by starring in a supporting role as Kalidor in “Red Sonja.” Sadly, Arnold is not made to play a polite lover – he really should have reprised his role as Conan. Cavagna said, “It's impossible to discuss the chemistry between him and Nielsen because there isn't any, and their interactions are written so clumsily that the dialogue is reminiscent of a particularly bad episode of Hercules or Xena.” Hoping maybe to redo the success of “Conan the Barbarian,” the producers decided to not only redo the story, but also the heroine, Sandahl Bergman, who plays evil Queen Gedren, who does a decent job with the role.

To the point that it is set in Howard’s Hyborian Age, “Red Sonja” is loosely based on Howard’s works, but Howard never wrote about a character named Sonja. However, Sonja is a spinoff character created by David C. Smith and Richard L. Tierney, who wrote six Red Sonja novels “based on Howard’s Hyborian Age” for Ace Books in the early 1980s, by the time Conan had degraded into a brand name under everything of sad nonsense was made. Cavagna said, “Perhaps Sonja was intended as a feminist counterbalance to Howard's sexism, but with the camera leering at its scantily-clad heroine and the evil lesbians, Red Sonja is not much of a feminist manifesto.” Sonja says that she does not need a man, but obviously she does need Kalidor in the end.

Difficult to find anywhere today, “Red Sonja” was quickly forgotten immediately after it came out. In this series there is no worse for it, but it’s no surprise to say this, because “Red Sonja” could easily have been better than “Conan the Destroyer.” Instead, the de Laurentiis family and Richard Fleischer directed another failure.

In all honesty, I think the only reason to see this movie is to see Brigitte Nielsen in her film debut. She looked really hot in this movie. Terry Richards, Ronald Lacey and Pat Roach, who all appeared in the Indiana Jones franchise, all are in this movie. However, like I said, Brigitte Nielsen is the only reason to see this. Otherwise, it’s nothing but a bad movie. Reportedly, Schwarzenegger admitted to torturing people by repeatedly showing them “Red Sonja.” I don’t think this is the worst film he’s done, but it is definitely a waste of time that gives nothing new and is just poorly done.

However, like I mentioned before, Schwarzenegger was under a contract to star in a third Conan movie. Unfortunately, the third Conan movie fell in development for many years, but eventually got made. Sadly, it’s not a Conan movie, but a completely different movie. If you want to know how that turned out, look out next Friday for the next installment of “Conan Month.”

Conan the Destroyer

When you watch “Conan the Destroyer,” released in 1984, if you look closely, is the beginning of a movie era. Roger Ebert said in his review, “This is the film that points the way to an indefinite series of Conan adventures -- one that could even replace Tarzan in supplying our need for a noble savage in the movies. Tarzan was more or less stuck in Africa; Conan can venture wherever his sword and sorcery can take him.” The first Conan movie, “Conan the Barbarian,” was a dark and depressing fantasy about the dark time in the medieval period. The sequel is sillier, funnier and more entertaining. It doesn’t occur before the dawn of time, but actually in the dark time of movie history with queens and monsters, swords and castles, warriors and jesters.

Ebert said, “There's more Prince Valiant and King Arthur than "Quest for Fire."”

Conan is also changed a little as well. He doesn’t take himself as seriously. Ebert describes, “He's not just a muscle-bound superman, but a superstitious half-savage who gets very nervous in the presence of magic.” Arnold Schwarzenegger, who reprises Conan, does a hilarious change of making his pop character: Like James Bond, Conan now a big apart from the nonstop action he’s surrounded by, and sees it with a bit of enjoyment. The story this time is about the usual gibberish. Conan is asked by the evil queen Taramis (Sarah Douglas) to take her niece, virgin princess (Olivia d’Abo) on a mission to an enchanted crystal palace that has a beast, etc. He is joined on this mission by the thief Malak (Tracey Walter) and Bombaata, the head of the queen’s palace guard (Wilt Chamberlain). As their on their way, he rescues a tough female warrior named Zula, played by Grace Jones, and gets her lifelong appreciation. Mako is also back as Akira the Wizard.

Ebert said, “Let's face it. The Conan series does not require extraordinary acting ability, although Schwarzenegger provides a sound professional center to the story, and the film would be impossible if he couldn't carry off Conan. The characters around him, however, are basically atmosphere, and that frees the filmmakers to abandon the usual overexposed Hollywood character actors and go for really interesting types like Chamberlain and Jones.” Grace Jones is amazing here. She has every strength and likeness of a famous action heroine, and everything is there in her role as Zula, the tough fighter. Sarah Douglas gives the needed proud hostility as the queen, Chamberlain gives a nice attempt at the downplayed role of the head of the guard, and only D’Abo is a disappointment: Her princess looks to have been dragged from a teenage flick.

“Conan the Destroyer” is lighter than the first Conan movie, and it probably has more nonstop action, including a good scene in the glass palace. Compared to the first film, which was rated R for some really bloody violence, this one is lighter. Ebert ended his review by saying, “That's part of the idea, I think: They're repackaging Conan as your friendly family barbarian.”

I have to be honest; this is a guilty pleasure to me. Once in a while something interesting happens and it is an epically stupid movie. I do agree this may be a bad movie, but it’s an enjoyably bad movie. I like how lighter and funnier it is in tone with the more comic relief characters and I think they did a good job here. So if you have seen the first movie and you enjoyed it, I definitely say check out the sequel. Give it a chance and watch it because I think you will have an enjoyably laughable time watching it, even though people tend to wrongfully bash on this movie. Especially see it if you’re a Schwarzenegger fan.

However, despite their being two Conan movies, there was also a Marvel comics series of “Conan the Barbarian.” In that series, there was a character that had also appeared in Robert E. Howard’s short story The Shadow of the Vulture. That character then went on to have a film adaptation, which took place in the same time period as the Conan movies, the Hyborian Age. If you want to know how that one was, stay tuned next week to find out in “Conan Month.”

How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World

Tonight I went and saw “How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World,” which came out a week and a half ago. How is this compared to the other two? Let’s find out:

At first this may come shocking, but I feel for this season, this has got to be the best animated movie. “How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World” is great to look at, an emotional film about friendship and a really believable love story. This is the third film in a franchise that kids love for its high energy and so many cute, scary, flying creatures. Even though it has a nice charm of modern animation, it also has storytelling methods that goes back to Nordic myth. There are dangerous warlords, a king wanting marriage, hidden worlds of great creatures and love dances by the shore.

The protagonist Hiccup, voiced by Jay Baruchel, is now a little older and still in charge of the Vikings who have become renowned dragon riders, in a solitary island called Berk. His dream is to have humans and dragons living in the same world. However, there is a villain that comes along that is a vicious dragon hunter named Grimmel, voiced by F. Murray Abraham, who wants to kidnap Hiccup’s dragon friend and leader of the pack, Toothless. If you remember, Toothless is a rare dragon called a Night Fury. Grimmel has killed every other Night Fury and with Toothless killed, he will have completed his mission. However, after rescuing captured dragons from a hunters’ ship, Toothless falls in love with a Light Fury. Now Hiccup has to help Toothless learn how to be romantic with the Light Fury. Not only do we have romance with the dragons, but somewhere else. Hiccup starts getting talks of marriage, and he thinks if Astrid, voiced by America Ferrera, might be ready to marry him and be the Viking king and queen everyone wants. However, they can’t think about weddings with Grimmel shows up, threatening all of Berk and eyeing Toothless. Hiccup takes a stand and says they need to leave and find a hidden world of dragons his father, the late Stoick (Gerard Butler) told him when he was a child (A.J. Kane). If they can find it, both dragons and Vikings might finally live peacefully.

Alci Rengifo said in her review, “Animated films tend to veer from the hastily slapped together to works of true artistry. What has made the “How to Train Your Dragon” series notable and a lot of fun is how it merges innocent fun with cinematic craft.” Based on a novel series by Cressida Cowell, the first movie released in 2010 surprisingly was huge, introducing Hiccup as a younger teen, first meeting Toothless and not wanting to be a dragon slayer. This sequel changes the franchise into a relatable coming-of-age story. Like the first two movies being directed by Dean DeBlois, he also is the writer. DeBlois makes sure everything is just as engaging, but with more adult topics. He opens with a loud and hilarious attack on a ship with caged dragons, as Hiccup, Astrid and their friends like Ruffnut (Kristen Wiig) and Tuffnut (Justin Rupple) start a huge fight with some, usual mistakes. Visually we get great, nice new dragons including a herd of new dragons introduced to Berk, including some dangerous cute goblins that scare Gobber, voiced by Craig Ferguson. Rengifo said, “This is a movie of small and large delights, from immense beasts who roar and stomp to tiny ones you might find floating in a soup pot.” The characters we have really loved from this trilogy are back, including Snotlout (Jonah Hill), with his huge ego and disturbing crush on Hiccup’s mother Valka (Cate Blanchett). Rengifo said, “There are gorgeous vistas as the dragon riders cross the sky and Nordic charm as big warriors with horned helmets clink glasses and pound steel. Returning as visual consultant is master cinematographer Roger Deakins, who helps give scenes a look akin to classic paintings about the Middle Ages. The actual hidden dragon world is a luminous wonder, part “Avatar” and part “Excalibur.””

However, as a story, “The Hidden World” gives audiences more than just amazing visuals. The main story is the romance between Toothless and the Light Fury. Rengifo noted, “DeBlois introduces this material beautifully, with moments of endearing comedy and romantic flourishes that are more elegant than anything in “The Notebook.”” We see that dragons have mating dances, and it is sincere, uplifting hilarity when Toothless tries his best by a lake in front of a confused Light Fury. She’s not an easy one and is animated with a nice combination of toughness and friendliness. There is a nice message in “The Hidden World” about love between equals, and similarly Light Fury isn’t a damsel in distress, as isn’t Astrid, who is written as a real lover for Hiccup, not just as the usual, animated heroine who needs to be saved. A nice lesson by the end is that the warrior women have to save the doubting men. Rengifo said, “But there is indeed glorious, mythical romance in this movie, with scenes between Toothless and Light Fury that are enrapturing as they fly through storm clouds, bond in mist and shyly get closer to each other.” Everything comes together into a huge story about friendship by the end, and the undeniable changes that come with age. There is a part by a rocky shore near the end that audiences might cry at, if not get teary-eyed.

As with so many fantasies, along with the romance there is great action. Rengifo noted, ““The Hidden World” has sequences of almost operatic, Wagnerian breadth as Hiccup faces off with Grimmel amid flames and crashing ships, then while riding dragons high in the sky. Grimmel is that classic, Nordic warlord terror from countless Viking tales, fashioned here for one of the year’s best family entertainments. The music by John Powell gives it all life with orchestral majesty.”

I agree with Rengifo when she said, “It’s rare to find a good film that caters to the more developed, artistic sensibilities of adult viewers and the simple pleasure kids seek at the movies.” “The Hidden World” has both with so much humor and heart.

My brother didn’t think this was the best of the three because he felt this followed a predictable plot, the villain being alright and at least wrapping everything up by the end. I, however, thought this is the best of the trilogy. If you loved the first two, you should not miss your chance to see this film in theaters. Go out and see it because it is an absolute must.

Thank you on joining in on this review today; check in Friday when I continue “Conan Month.”

Conan the Barbarian (1982)

For the month of March, I thought I would finally give in and review the movies based on the famous novels written by Robert E. Howard (which I have never read), the “Conan” movies. Now bear in mind, even though I did say the “Conan” movies, there are a couple that may not be related, but do in some way count since they fall under “Sword and Sorcery.” With that said, let’s get the month started with the very first film, “Conan the Barbarian,” released in 1982.

Roger Ebert said in his review, “Not since Bambi's mother was killed has there been a cannier movie for kids than "Conan the Barbarian." It's not supposed to be just a kids' movie, of course, and I imagine a lot of other moviegoers will like it. I liked a lot of it myself, and with me, a few broadswords and leather jerkins go a long way. But "Conan" is a perfect fantasy for the alienated preadolescent.” The story starts off with Conan’s parents (William Smith and Nadiuska) are badly killed by the villain Thulsa Doom (James Earl Jones), which was the only way for them to get out of the way. The boy, played by Jorge Sanz, is taken to the Wheel of Pain, where he just pushes the wheel around for years, which is the only education he gets. The kid becomes so ripped that he could be a bodybuilder. One day he is set free by Luis Barboo. He joins Subotai the Mongol (Gerry Lopez), who is the classic literary best friend, and with Valeria, Queen of Thieves (Sandahl Bergman), who is the real best friend.

Valeria is everything you want in a woman, if you are obviously a weight-lifting man. She is long-limbed and muscular and a great team member and she can ride, throw, stab, fence and climb ropes as good as a boy. Sometimes she starts a poor talk about love, but you can tell she’s joking, and she comes back fast with obscure talk about loyalty and betrayal – emotions that seem relatable to Conan’s experience and maturity.

With Subotai and Valeria with him, Conan goes to find Thulsa Doom and get revenge for the murder of his parents. Also, he is tasked by King Osric (Max von Sydow) to free his daughter Yasmina (Valérie Quennessen) from Thulsa Doom’s snake cult. He needs to prepare for this trip to the mysterious East, where he learns a little fast kung-fu, and then to the mountains where Thulsa Doom controls his slave-priests from the top of his Mountain of Power. Ebert said, “There are a lot of battles and a few interesting nights at crude wayside inns and, in general, nothing to tax the unsophisticated. "Conan the Barbarian" is, in fact, a very nearly perfect visualization of the Conan legend, of Robert E. Howard's tale of a superman who lived beyond the mists of time, when people were so pure, straightforward, and simple that a 1930s pulp magazine writer could write about them at one cent a word and not have to pause to puzzle out their motivations.”

The movie’s casting is perfect. Arnold Schwarzenegger is undeniably cast as Conan and Sandahl Bergman as Valeria. Physically, they look like the novel’s depiction of themselves. What’s nice is that they also make entertaining versions of their characters. They, and the movie, are not without humor and a type of quiet cunning that is never allowed to go too far. Ebert noted, “Schwarzenegger's slight Teutonic accent is actually even an advantage, since Conan lived, of course, in the eons before American accents.” We also have the late Mako playing Akiro the wizard.

Ebert continued, “The movie is a triumph of production design, set decoration, special effects and makeup. At a time when most of the big box-office winners display state-of-the-art technology, "Conan" ranks right up there with the best. Ron Cobb, the sometime underground cartoonist who did the production design on this film (and on "Alien") supervises an effort in which the individual frames actually do look like blow-ups of panels from the Marvel Comics "Conan" books.” Since this Conan could have so simply looked silly, that’s success.

Ebert admitted, “But there is one aspect of the film I'm disturbed by. It involves the handling of Thulsa Doom, the villain. He is played here by the fine black actor James Earl Jones, who brings power and conviction to a role that seems inspired in equal parts by Hitler, Jim Jones, and Goldfinger. But when Conan and Doom meet at the top of the Mountain of Power, it was, for me, a rather unsettling image to see this Nordic superman confronting a black, and when Doom's head was sliced off and contemptuously thrown down the flight of stairs by the muscular blond Conan, I found myself thinking that Leni Reifenstahl could have directed the scene, and that Goebbels might have applauded it.”

Ebert continued, “Am I being too sensitive? Perhaps. But when Conan appeared in the pulps of the 1930s, the character suggested in certain unstated ways the same sort of Nordic super-race myths that were being peddled in Germany. These days we are more innocent again, and Conan is seen as a pure fantasy, like his British cousin, Tarzan, or his contemporary, Flash Gordon. My only reflection is that, at a time when there are no roles for blacks in Hollywood if they are not named Richard Pryor, it is a little unsettling to see a great black actor assigned to a role in which he is beheaded by a proto-Nordic avenger.”

Ebert went on, “That complaint aside, I enjoyed "Conan." Faithful readers will know I'm not a fan of Sword & Sorcery movies, despite such adornments as Sandahl Bergman -- having discovered some time ago that heaving bosoms may be great, but a woman with a lively intelligence and a sly wit is even greater.”

The flaw with “Conan” is the flaw with every Sword & Sorcery movies. After the main story (which normally is about revenge) is said, we don’t really have a lot to expect besides the sets, special effects, costumes, makeup, locations, action, and surprise entrances. Almost by meaning, these movies don’t have the possibility of interesting, complex characters. Ebert ended his review by saying, “I'd love to see them set loose an intelligent, questing, humorous hero in one of these prehistoric sword-swingers. Someone at least as smart as, say, Alley Oop.”

Look, I know this may not be liked by everyone, thinking that it’s a stupid movie, but I still enjoy this movie a whole lot. The film has memorable characters, great cinematography and has some of the best movie music. I think that it’s one of the best Sword & Sorcery movies out there. If you’re a Schwarzenegger fan, I would recommend this one.

Seeing how successful this one was, there was a sequel that came out two years later. How is that one compared to this? Find out next week in the next review to “Conan Month.”