Little Monsters

Does anyone remember the 1989 god-awful movie “Little Monsters?” What a mean-spirited movie that was! For a movie that is supposed to be a “family movie” that labels it as a fantasy for children who like to play pranks on the bullies at their school, it takes this fantasy the wrong way. Even Tanner Smith, whose blog you should also check out, said in his review of this movie, “I think kids may be frightened by most of the images and situations depicted in the film.”

Fred Savage, who is best known for starring in “The Wonder Years” sitcom, plays Brian, the eleven-year-old protagonist in this movie. He’s sad because he and his family – his backbiting parents (Daniel Stern, who also starred with Savage in “The Wonder Years,” and Margaret Whitton) and younger brother Eric (Ben Savage, Fred’s real-life younger brother who went on to star in “Boy Meets World” and is now in the spin-off “Girl Meets World”) – have moved to a new town and house. He instantly becomes the target of a fat school bully, played by Devin Ratray, and if things couldn’t possibly get any worse, he’s blamed for every prank that is set around the house, which he had nothing to do with in the first place. Eric believes that a monster scared him the other night and he dares Brian to spend a night in his room.

Looks like Eric wasn’t lying since something is going to occur in the night. To prepare, Brian sets up a trap for the monster, who turns out to be a fast-talking, blue-skinned, horned loudmouth named Maurice, played by Howie Mandel, who also did the voices of Bunsen Honeydew, Animal, and Skeeter in the first two seasons of "The Muppet Babies." Maurice sees that Brian is a good kid and brings him into the monster world.

Turns out that under children’s beds is another world where the monsters are trapped in. Now, they decide to have fun by eating junk food, play video games, break lamps with baseball bats and baseballs, and pull pranks on other children in the neighborhood. Gee, this sounds familiar. Want to know why? IT'S JUST LIKE THE FOOT CLAN HIDEOUT IN THE ORIGINAL NINJA TURTLES MOVIE!!! Maurice attracts Brian into the monster world, which he calls “every kid’s fantasy.” Smith says in his review, “But I can tell you that even the unruliest of children would be turned off by this world. The people in this world are monsters, all right. But they’re mainly disfigured children who run amok. I guess the filmmakers were trying to create a subtext that kids act like monsters, like in “Pinocchio,” when kids act like jerks and become them. But this is just painful to watch.” On a helpful note, the monster world doesn’t look impressive at all. It’s badly lit (because the monsters turn into clothes when they are exposed to bright light, LIKE GIZMO FROM GREMLINS), has horrendous digital effects zooming by every couple of seconds for no reason, and the cherry on top of this bad tasting sundae, THE WHOLE WORLD IS JUST BOXES!!!!

Now the pranks, my goodness, are just horrific to watch. Brian and Maurice play these mean pranks on innocent little children just because they think it's fun. Then the filmmakers have the audacity to show the viewing audience the parents yelling at the kids. Even Smith was cringing throughout that entire sequence, but wouldn’t you? Then, there’s the scene where Brian and Maurice drop by the bully’s house. Maurice drinks his apple juice, and then he urinates in the bottle! If you want to know what happens next, just imagine.

Then there’s the villain of the movie named Snik. He is disgusting, nasty, and is just a nightmare feed for your children. Plus, he’s not even a kid. He’s played by Rick Ducommun. He’s just there to set up the climax where Brian must choose between the monster world and the real world.

One thing that I will give this movie credit for is that Howie Mandel makes a convincing monster. But that’s a very faint praise, since he’s just like Beetlejuice, but not as likeable, and his weakness is just like Gizmo! IS THAT WRITTEN IN HOWIE MANDEL’S CONTRACT THAT HE HAS TO PLAY SOMEONE WHO IS WEAK TO SUNLIGHT IN EVERY MOVIE HE ACTS IN?!?!

Just do yourself a favor and don’t watch this movie, because you will feel dirty after watching it. Especially since it’s a giant slap in the face for having Fred Savage and Howie Mandel in it, and they’re both respectable actors. I remember seeing the ending to this movie a long time ago, but I can’t believe I went back and saw the entire movie, especially after seeing Nostalgia Critic's review of this abomination. I feel bad for doing it, but at least I can advise everyone to avoid this movie. This gets a big, fat, whopping 0.

Phew, I'm feeling better now I got that off my chest. Stay tuned tomorrow to see what I have in store next for “Halloween Month.”