Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

Look out everyone, Halloween is right around the corner! To celebrate, let’s take a look at the 2013 Grimm Brothers adaptation, “Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters.” Have you noticed how the Grimm’s fairy tales have attracted people lately? An equally large audience will probably get sucked into the corny 3D show when they see it. The movie was filmed two years ago, but Paramount probably found the right time to release it – in the beginning of January, when competition was not that big. Young fanboys will sneakily see this despite that it’s rated R, but there isn’t much in it to attract anyone with the slightest of maturity. Oscar nominee Jeremy Renner looks out of place in this cheap imitation, but hopefully the huge paycheck he received will allow him to go back to the artier work very soon.

When you see both Will Ferrell’s and Adam McKay’s names among the film’s producers, you know that “Hansel & Gretel” never was meant to be taken seriously. Stephen Farber stated in his review, “Lots of anachronisms and tongue-in-cheek dialogue establish the spoofy nature of this violent venture. All that’s missing is a genuine sense of wit.”

The film begins by submitting to the original fairy tale, when a young Hansel and Gretel (Cedric Eich and Alea Sophia Boudodimos) are deserted in the forest and wander into the witch’s (Monique Ganderton) cottage built of candy. (There’s a good joke later when adult Hansel takes a medieval version of insulin injections to help him with the sugar addiction.) Then the movie fast forwards a couple of decades where we see the adult Hansel (Renner) and Gretel (Gemma Arterton) are turning their childhood suffering into a career. The time period is a bit impulsive. Some of the production details suggest the Middle Ages, yet our protagonists have a weapon store of somewhat more modern weapons to help them kill witches and warlocks.

As they follow their enemy, they both find friends – a “white witch” (Pihla Viitala) for Hansel and a troll (Derek Mears, but voiced by Robin Atkin Downes) who takes a fancy for Gretel – but basically they have to depend on their own courage to succeed over the enemies. Their main enemy is a slyness vixen who morphs from beautiful to ugly when the mood hits. This must be the year for hot actresses to spoil their ugly side. Famke Janssen follows Julia Roberts and Charlize Theron in letting out her hidden beast.

Despite its few ironic jokes, the script is terribly thin. Farber says, “Norwegian writer-director Tommy Wirkola (Dead Snow) loves to film crushed and exploding heads, but the film is too fanciful to be truly revolting.” Wirkola makes the most of the 3D technology. There haven’t been as many dangerous weapons that seemed to be zooming out at the audience since the time of “It Came From Outer Space.”

Sadly, the director doesn’t really let the actors have too much going on for them. Renner and Arterton are certainly great, but this irrational work doesn’t give them a chance to show what they can do best. Since the time is less than 90 minutes, the film is smart enough not to torture its audience for very long. Farber admits that, “But that’s the only sign of true intelligence in this juvenile caper.”

If you’re looking for something that will be along the lines of “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter,” then this film is for you. However, if you didn’t like that film, you won’t like this one as well. Some of the jokes are funny, the effects can look nice, and the action is definitely enjoyable and you can get into it, but that can’t really save this film. I would say it’s up to you if you want to watch this film, since the tale does seem like a nice basis for “Halloween Month” movies. I can say that I enjoyed the action when I saw this on NetFlix, but that’s about it.

Alright, watch tomorrow for the next review in “Halloween Month.”