Heart Condition

Jack Moony is a slob, an unshaven, cheeseburger-eating drunk who is also a cop. He is also a racist, which is why he feels so nauseous when he wakes up after the heart attack. They have given a heart transplant, and his new heart once belonged to a black man. Not just any black man, but his worst enemy, a smooth, young lawyer. There another problem. Both men, recently, have had relations with the same prostitute.

Roger Ebert said in his review, “What it looks like we have here is the premise for a dark, gloomy examination of the underside of the American psyche, but "Heart Condition" is a fantasy, not a slice of life, and there are times when it even wants to be a comedy.” The story is that the ghost of the lawyer returns to Earth and follows Jack around, telling him not to smoke or eat greasy foods, and helping him on how to solve the lawyer’s murder and get back together with the prostitute again.

What’s more is that there is an evil drug dealer who gives people injections to keep them tame. There’s a subplot of a U.S. senator who overdoses on crack, a scene where a little baby is held hostage in a shootout, a lot of car chases, and some soft moments. Ebert noted, “And that absolutely obligatory character in all recent cop movies: the wrongheaded precinct captain who completely misses the point and puts the hero on suspension just when he's about to crack the case wide open.”

The story of “Heart Condition,” released in 1990, tries to be everything to everyone: comedy, tragedy, drama, violence, fantasy, reality, cop movie, ghost movie, urban story, buddy movie. Ebert said, “That it works even fitfully under this heavy burden is because of its stars, Bob Hoskins and Denzel Washington, who bring a credibility to their roles that the screenplay doesn't really deserve.” Hoskins is a small extrovert of an actor, moving forward through the story without the least self-consciousness, and Washington is a charmer who drives the cop crazy by telling him to put out his cigarettes (“as long as you’re still around,” he reminds the recipient of his heart, “I’m still around”).

Washington’s character is not exactly a good guy, at least not initially. Hoskins hates him because the lawyer has prostitutes for clients, including Hoskins’ former girlfriend, played by Chloe Webb. Lawyers for prostitutes do not usually drive around in fancy Mercedes, but these are special prostitutes, controlled by an evil pimp, played by Jeffrey Meek, who gives them to kinky millionaires and politicians. “I don’t represent the pimp, I represent the girls,” Washington’s character declares, very convincingly, at one point in the movie.

With so much going on in the movie, it still finds time to give Webb’s character with a heart of gold. Yes, she’s a prostitute, but only to get enough money to attend art school out in the valley, and all the men in her life are cruel people who do not recognize her artistic talent. Ebert said, “Later on, after she bears Washington's child, she is transmogrified into the heroic mother battling to save her baby from the sadistic pimp.”

What’s strange about “Heart Condition” is that it goes back and forth so faithfully across the line between comic fantasy and evil urban reality. There are slapstick scenes where Hoskins tries to keep a cheeseburger away from the invisible ghost and scary scenes where the pimp threatens to kill his girls with overdoses.

Scenes where Hoskins and his cat share a bottle of whiskey and scenes where Washington’s bitter mother goes through his stuff.

The movie is all over the place, trying whatever looks like it will work at the moment. Ebert noted, “The problem is that fans of violent movies will grow impatient with the whimsy involving the ghost, and fans of reincarnation comedies are going to have a hard time dealing with sordid plot details.”

Hoskins and Washington are just fine, however, Hoskins giving another reminder that he is one of the most convincing of actors and Washington once again flawlessly giving his charisma that is making him into a huge star. Ebert said, “He plays the role with a light touch instead of with the heavy portentiousness we can easily imagine.”

For Hoskins, “Heart Condition” must have looked like déjà vu. After “Roger Rabbit,” here is Hoskins once again having conversations with an imaginary partner who has been framed.

This is alright, but nothing special. I saw this on YouTube, and I wasn’t really a fan. If you want to check it out, it won’t hurt, but it is nothing special.

Next week, I will be looking at another Schwarzenegger movie in “Buddy Cop Month.”