Masters of the Universe

Today on Amazon Prime, I finished “Masters of the Universe,” and I thought that before talking about this recent film, I should probably give my thoughts on the 1987 film of the same name, even though it was not a direct sequel or had any sort of connection with either film.

The 1987 “Masters of the Universe” film is a failing, underdone mess that takes its inspiration from a toy line and the cartoon series that I wasn’t around for at the time, but I do have a VHS that has a couple of “He-Man” episodes on them.

Michael Wilmington said in his review, “Unfortunately, the film might have worked better with the cartoon characters in the leads. Or even the toys. You couldn’t get a more polyethylene performance than Dolph Lundgren gives. As He-Man, his muscles ripple splendidly in barbarian dishabille, but his voice, with its growly bass Swedish accent, becomes nearly inaudible when he screams.”

The other characters include Evil-Lyn (Meg Foster), Man-at-Arms (Jon Cypher), Beastman (Tony Carroll), and Karg (Robert Towers), with Frank Langella as Skeletor – the villain of the planet Eternia.

Immediately you can see what’s wrong with the movie. Wilmington said, “Where, in “Star Wars,” the original characters were turned into toys--and everything else possible--here the writers reverse the process. And since these toys are superstars, the script tries to remain “faithful” to some curious vision of them.”

Wilmington continued, ““Masters” begins in the throne room of Castle Greyskull, where Skeletor is throwing stentorian conniption fits, eventually driving He-Man and three buddies to escape, via a synthesizer called The Key, through some handy time-space warp into Colby, Calif.” There, they encounter two teenagers (Courteney Cox and Robert Duncan McNeill) and a laughably loud cop (the late James Tolkan). Not soon after, half of Eternia has followed them.

Of the two locations, Colby is more amazing. Wilmington said, “Most of the town seems to have been plunged into some weird hibernation. The commando squads of Eternia descend and nobody takes a peek. The school burns down, a small war breaks out in the stereo shop, yet the same kind of languid disinterest reigns. At the end--with holocausts of Richard Edlund effects erupting, Langella screaming his head off, UFOs floating overhead, laser rays exploding every which way and a small army of Darth Vaders tromping down Main Street--not one person in this bizarre town even bothers to come out and gape.”

Wilmington continued, “Director Gary Goddard gets a raw, pulpy vigor into some of this, but mostly he’s directing hopeless material shamelessly. Billy Barty, though, gives you a reason to watch this movie--along with Langella who, even though he’s chewing the scenery through what seems to be a Halloween skeleton mask, chews it with relish.”

Wilmington ended his review by saying, “Barty’s Gwildor is a rambunctious little kvetch of a gnome, a wizened Hobbit who needs a panatela--and he’s about the only thing here you’d like to take home for the kids to play with.”

Even though I never watched the “He-Man and the Masters of the Universe” cartoon, this film is just terrible. It’s one of those 80s films that no one should watch. Why cast Dolph Lundgren as He-Man? They couldn’t have found another actor? There are times you can’t tell of Lundgren has an accent or not. Just avoid this movie because you will not like it at all, especially with how they made Skeletor look.

But what can be said about the second adaptation, which came out in June, but on Amazon Prime last month.

Based on the Mattel toy line and the 80s animated show, this new film is the second live-action adaptation of the franchise, after the 1987 film starring Dolph Lundgren as He-Man. In this version, Prince Adam, played by Artie Wilkinson-Hunt, spends his childhood training on his home planet of Eternia, where magic and technology exist together peacefully. The core of the planet is Castle Grayskull, where Adam and his parents, the king and earth-born queen, played by James Purefoy and Charlotte Riley, live. Adam is small for his age and not very skilled at any type of combat, despite the king’s man-at-arms, Duncan (Idris Elba), is his personal trainer and his best friend Teela (Eire Farrell as a child, Camila Mendes as an adult) is one of the best in his class.

When Adam is 10 years old, Eternia is invaded by Skeletor (Jared Leto), and Adam is forced to escape the planet with the help of the magical Sorceress (Morena Baccarin), the guardian of Castle Grayskull. He ends up on Earth, where he becomes Adam Green, now played by Nicholas Galitzine, and grows up over the span of 15 years to become an HR specialist and very talented at non-violent conflict resolution. When he was sent to Earth, Adam was to watch the Power Sword that holds all of the power of Eternia, but he lost it almost immediately and spends the entire time he’s on Earth searching for it. When he does eventually find it, he uses it to get back to Eternia, where he hopes to bring it back to the way it was. While growing up on Earth, Adam always remembered home by drawing people from his past and naming them based on their abilities, like Mekaneck (James Wilkinson), Fisto (Jóhannes Haukur Jóhannesson), Trap Jaw (Sam C. Wilson), and Ram-Man (Jon Xue Zhang) - Steve Prokopy said in his review, “the originality of these names is laughable, but wisely, the film acknowledges that they were the creation of a young, unformed mind.”

Once he’s back on Eternia, Adam finds his real power inside of him and turns into He-Man, a name he doesn’t mention until the very end of the film, thankfully. Prokopy said, “The back half of Masters of the Universe becomes an exercise in Adam rediscovering who he was and what it truly means to be the most powerful man in existence. Adam’s parents are still alive, and he does what he can to save them. There’s a robot (named Roboto) voiced by Kristen Wiig, a talking green tiger (Fletcher Glenn and Tom Wilton), and an evil sorceress working with Skeletor named Evil-Lyn (Alison Brie), who also poses as a mentor to younger Adam on Earth, although I’m not sure I could tell you why. The action sequences are chunky, loud, and more violent than I was expecting (a plus), and the colorful production design and costuming pop off the screen with a brilliance far more than that of established film franchises. The score by Daniel Pemberton offers up some solid guitar stabs from Queen’s Brian May, and keep an ear out for a well-known Queen song, perfectly placed.”

Without giving too much away about the elements of “Masters of the Universe” that feel obsolete or hands down corny, director Travis Knight still finds ways to acknowledge that parts of the He-Man world are silly. Prokopy said, “I love the idea that most of the character names come from Adam as a child—it’s the only explanation I’ll accept or that makes sense.”

Galitzine gets more interesting with each new role. As Adam, he’s mostly successful at showing the character’s grief from being separated from his home and family as a child, while still trying to find out about his abilities as He-Man and how they relate to heritage, inner confidence, and responsibility. Prokopy ended his review by saying, “Naturally, it wouldn’t be a tentpole movie without strong hints that more is to come (assuming this one makes some cash), and even I understood the tease in the mid-credits scene, despite having not grown up with these characters or shows in my life. I could tell from the crowd reaction around me that many of the references were landing with precision, and so, let the summer nostalgia parade begin.”

Dolph Lundgren makes a cameo in this movie as a “Macho Man” Adam meets in the gym, and Lauren Saliu appears in the mid-credits scene, teasing a possible spin-off film that is in the same universe, along with Christopher Ragland as Orko. In all honesty, this film is alright. If you want to see this on Amazon Prime, you can, and I think you will like this just fine. There’s nothing about this film that I think of that is terrible or would be a pain to see, so I don’t think anyone will really hate it. This is just a decent film that everyone could watch, regardless of whether they are familiar with the cartoon or not.

Thank you for joining in on this review tonight. Stay tuned tomorrow for the continuation of “Wrestlers in Movies Month.”

Spider-Man: Brand New Day

Last night, I went and saw “Spider-Man: Brand New Day,” which came out about a week ago. I was very excited to hear they were coming out with a new Spider-Man movie in the MCU, but I wasn’t surprised they were planning a fourth film. How is this after such a great movie like “No Way Home?”

Susan Granger started her review by saying, “Like many others, I was suffering from superhero fatigue – which is why I’m intrigued by the head-spinning success of “Spider-Man: Brand New Day,” scoring the highest grossing domestic box-office weekend ever.”

Granger continued, “What makes this installment different is that it’s character-driven, as opposed to the hocus-pocus of other comic-book adaptations.” If everyone remembers at the conclusion of “No Way Home,” Peter Parker, reprised by Tom Holland, asked Doctor Strange to cast a spell that would make everyone to forget that he is Spider-Man.

Granger noted, “Now that his self-sacrificing wish has become reality, Peter is isolated, living alone in a New York City attic apartment.” His great Aunt Tomei, reprised by Marisa Tomei, was murdered. His former best friend Ned, reprised by Jacob Batlon, desperate to meet the vague Spider-Man, has developed a Spidey-Tracker app. Finally, his former girlfriend, MJ, reprised by now Holland’s wife, Zendaya, doesn’t recognize him.

Now Peter Parker is all alone spending everyday fighting crime, communicating with Detective Jean DeWolff (Lisa Colon-Zayas) and sympathizing with Frank Castle’s vigilante Punisher (Jon Bernthal).

Now suddenly there’s a new threat, a mysterious being that can possess the bodies of different people, wanting something hidden at Damage Control, a controlling agency led by Bill Metzger, played by Tramell Tillman.

Granger mentions, “Meanwhile, Peter is acutely aware that his arachnid hormone levels are spiking, causing debilitating headaches and limiting his ability to shoot web fluid.” Trying to control this spectacle, Peter visits Empire State University physics professor Bruce Banner, reprised by Mark Ruffalo, who wears a “gamma-inhibitor” device that prevents him from turning into the Hulk at the wrong time.

At this point, the plot begins to include other characters in the MCU, including Jean Grey (Sadie Sink), an evil mutant with powerful telekinetic abilities who wants revenge for her kidnapped sister, Sara (Olivia Booth-Ford).

Granger ended her review by saying, “Scripted by Chris McKenna and Erik Sommers – with nods to creators Stan Lee and Steve Ditko – and directed by Destin Daniel Cretton, it marks Peter Parker’s web-slinging transition into maturity, acknowledging his all-too-human need for meaningful relationships.”

Florence Pugh makes a cameo as Yelena Belova and Michael Mando reprises his role as Scorpion, who you might remember being arrested in “Homecoming.” After a huge film like “No Way Home,” which might have been a tough act to follow, this film is amazing. If you have been a fan of the Spider-Man movies up to this point, then you should definitely see this. This is one that has to be seen in the theaters because the experience is just great. You will love this movie a lot. I know I did and I’m glad I saw it in the theaters. Although I agree with my sister when she said there should have been more scenes with just Spider-Man and the Punisher since they were both great together. Also, there is a post-credits scene, but I it does not look like you should stay until after the credits to see it since it does not set up “Avengers: Doomsday.” Still, check this out and have an enjoyably great time watching this.

Thank you for joining in on this review today. Stay tuned this Friday for the continuation of “Wrestlers in Movies Month.”

The Running Man

I have an exciting month planned ahead, as I will be looking at a few films that star professional wrestlers in them. The question we all think is whether wrestlers should go on to star in movies? Especially since certain wrestlers who have become actors that I have not been a fan of. However, when you think about it, wrestlers are already acting when they come out and do all the trash talk with one another and know how to perform their stunts when they come to the ring. Since I have reviewed certain movies that had wrestlers in them, I picked out others that I didn’t review and thought of reviewing this month. Let’s get started with the 1987 enjoyably fun movie, “The Running Man.”

Roger Ebert started his review by saying, ““The Running Man” is an arcade game for the big screen, a contest in which the player is Arnold Schwarzenegger and the game keeps throwing big bruisers at him. To cast this movie, they called up the reserves of Hollywood heavies. There are villains named Fireball, Captain Freedom, Dynamo, Buzzsaw and Subzero, all thrown at Arnold like new chapters in a superhero comic book, and with true comic justice, each villain dies by his own weapon.”

The cast is consisted of so many action heroes and pro wrestlers: Jim Brown, Jesse Ventura, Erland Van Lidth, and Professor Toru Tanaka. One after another, they go fighting and are killed. Ebert said, “This formula would quickly get old if it were not for some sort of gimmick to hold it together, and the movie has just that gimmick in the form of a deadly futuristic TV show named “The Running Man,” which is hosted by the veteran TV game show emcee Richard Dawson.” The first and late host of “Family Feud” plays himself, he finally found the role he was meant to play.

This takes place in the 21^st century where the country is a one-party society. Ebert mentioned, “Schwarzenegger is a cop who flies his own helicopter gunship and is ordered to fire on citizens who are rioting for food. Refusing to fire on innocent civilians, he is knocked unconscious, jailed, accused of false charges and assigned to a penal colony. Meanwhile, life goes in in the society, which is numbed by a steady diet of fabricated news.” One day Arnold and some friends escape from the penal colony, and the footage of their escape is seen by Dawson, TV’s top host.

The ratings for his show are supposedly very high (it is shown on screens the size of billboards to the countless that are poor to live indoors). Ebert said, “But Dawson wants them higher still, and as he sees Schwarzenegger doing a broken-field run past some inept guards, he decides that Schwarzenegger is the ideal guest for the program, which consists of criminals who are given a chance of freedom if they can defeat the heavily armed killers who are guest stars on the show.”

This is the set up for the last hour of the movie. However, there is still the girl, which all movies like this needs, who mainly is to be pulled helplessly behind the protagonist as he tries to escape. By casting Maria Conchita Alonso in the role, the filmmakers got more than they asked. Ebert noted, “she remains one of Hollywood’s undaunted high spirits, a nice comic counterfoil for Schwarzenegger.”

The movie’s problem is that every action scene are versions of the same situation. TV host Dawson introduces a killer and his signature weapons (electrical shock, fire, chain saws, etc.) and Schwarzenegger fights them all. Ebert said, “The one element in the movie that is not standard and that does have some energy is the TV show itself, with Dawson’s performance as the egotistical, sleaze-bag host.”

Ebert continued, “Playing a character who always seems three-quarters drunk, Dawson chain-smokes his way through backstage planning sessions and then pops up in front of the cameras as a cauldron of false jollity.” Working the audience, soaking in the laughs and the tears, he is not so much different than most real game show hosts – and that’s the movie’s secret joke.

If you haven’t seen this movie, and you’re a Schwarzenegger fan, this is a must for you. You will love the one-liners, comedy, and action scenes that all Schwarzenegger movies are known for. See it currently on Paramount+ or Pluto TV because I think everyone will enjoy this one a lot. This is like watching an actual game show that was made into a movie and that’s what is so enjoyable about it.

Next week, I will be looking at a movie that is mostly stupid but does have some laughs here and there in “Wrestlers in Movies Month.”

The Super Mario Galaxy Movie

Today on Peacock, I saw “The Super Mario Galaxy Movie,” which came out theatrically in April but on Peacock two days ago. This was one of my most anticipated movies this year, as if anyone remembers, I really enjoyed the first Mario movie three years ago. Now with this sequel that is getting slammed by critics but loved by fans, what was my opinion on it?

The sequel doesn’t exactly push boundaries, but it accomplishes what it was made for: Make a whole lot of money and leave audiences entertained enough to show up for the next, expected film.

Everyone is back, in front of the camera and behind it. Directors Aaron Horvath, Michael Jelenic, and Pierre Leduc maintain the smooth, colorful visual created in “The Super Mario Bros. Movie,” which made over 1.3 billion at the global box office. The returning voice cast, including Chris Pratt, Anya Taylor-Joy, Jack Black, Charlie Day, and Keegan-Michael Key, fall comfortably back in character, while new cast Brie Larson, Benny Safdie, Donald Glover, and Glen Powell expand the franchise without ruining it.

The story starts with Princess Rosalina (Larson) being captured by Bowser Jr. (Safdie), starting the film off for a galaxy-traveling rescue. Tom Santilli said in his review, “Bowser (Black), now miniaturized and imprisoned by Mario (Pratt) and Luigi (Day), looms as an inevitable wildcard.” Along the way, the brothers find Yoshi (Glover), adding another part of nostalgia for longtime fans, while Peach (Taylor-Joy) and Toad (Key) remain steady supportive characters.

As expected, the film is filled with so many fast Easter eggs and references that come from decades of Mario history. Fans will enjoy it. At the same time, the story remains simple enough to keep younger audiences and non-gamers hooked without confusion.

Santilli said, “Where the film comes up short is in its lack of ambition. Nintendo continues to treat these characters as untouchable icons rather than evolving protagonists. No one really struggles. No one meaningfully changes. Bowser gets the closest thing to development, but even that feels surface-level. The result is a film that’s polished and entertaining, yet dramatically flat.”

That said, there’s something strangely fitting with that task. Like the games themselves, this is made just to escape into it. Santilli noted, “It’s colorful, fast-moving, and easy to consume. And while it may feel outdated compared to something like “The LEGO Movie” or the “Sonic the Hedgehog” films, it still delivers exactly what its audience expects.”

If anything, “The Super Mario Galaxy Movie” slightly makes it better than the first film by expanding the Nintendo universe in ways that feel living. With decades of source material still untouched, don’t expect them to change anytime soon. Santilli is right when he said, “Nintendo isn’t chasing innovation here.” They’re giving fans exactly what they want, and right now, that’s enough.

Glen Powell voices Fox McCloud from the Star Fox games, who I thought was either George Clooney or Kurt Russell. Luis Guzmán voices Wart, Kevin Michael Richardson returns as Kamek (sounding like Peter Lorre), and R.O.B., the SNES Super Scope, and Mr. Game and Watch make an appearance here. Overall, I think this is a fine sequel. The first one is better, but I’m glad I saw this sequel. If you haven’t seen it yet, and you have Peacock, I would recommend this. If anyone were to ask me if I wanted to see this sequel again, I would probably say yes. There’s nothing in here that is terrible or bad, but I would call this one of those middle of the road sequels that I think everyone will enjoy just fine. Stay for a funny mid credits and post credits scene that is sure to set up a third film.

Thank you for joining in on this review tonight. Stay tuned this Friday to see what I will be reviewing this month.

Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning

To recap on this franchise, the first “Universal Soldier” was basically the height of Dolph Lundgren, the middle of Jean-Claude Van Damme’s career, and the beginning of director Roland Emmerich’s rise to Hollywood fame. Nick Langdon said in his review, “That an openly gay German man would come to define the most American and heteronormative of genres, the blockbuster action movie, isn't something anyone saw coming, but he kept churning out the hits, and in Tinseltown that's all that matters.” What the first film was never meant to do though was launch the franchise, and none of the subsequent tries to try and make this happen, the 1999 theatrical sequel, two TV movies or the 2009 direct-to-video sequel, made any impact. Langdon mentioned, “So twenty years after the fact Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning is a quasi-sequel/reboot to the 2009 film, but it's honestly not worth getting into the lore of this, there's better uses for your grey matter than asking why these super soldiers are super slaughtering one another. Yeah yeah, conspiracy, plot twists, all the usual stuff. I really couldn't get involved in any of this. I just kept wishing I was watching Stargate (1994) instead. Ah now Kurt Russell, there's a real super soldier, as anyone who has seen the 1998 movie Soldier can attest.”

This 2012 film was directed by John Hyams, son of Peter Hyams, the genius behind genre-hopping, dark cinematography and a great track record with JCVD (he was behind both “Timecop” and “Sudden Death”). Langdon noted, “However John lacks his old man's keen eye for light and shadow, even though he does at least try for a look we could probably dub "Eli Roth attempts Gaspar Noé on a Steven Seagal budget". The action is pretty good, suitably OTT and bloody, but there's still too much cutting, and having just watched an action movie masterclass from some of the all time greats, well the flaws here were even more evident than they otherwise would have been. Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning was, somewhat bizarrely released first direct to video, but then later got a theatrical release. Now I'm not a highly paid Hollywood bigshot, but that sounds arse backwards to me. I was recently praising Scott Adkins for his role in John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023), and saying he needed more work. So yeah, I still mean that, but not like this. He's a funny guy who can go big, but this mopey lead role does not suit his limited range.” Give him a few one linters and have him fight, don’t make him deal with two hours of heavy drama. The movie also needed far more Van Damme and Lundgren, as they’re the only two people with real screen presence, but they’re not in it that much.

Another flaw of this film is that it fills up a lot of time wasting with boring shots of cars driving, people walking around, and staring in long silence at certain locations. They try and do the part from “Robocop” when Murphy goes back to his old house, but it’s not as good. Langdon said, “Can you believe in 2012 that screenwriters still thought the "book of matches from a bar that was found next to a dead body provides the next clue" was in anyway still acceptable, yet here it is. Then later there's a scare in the bathroom mirror as well as a stripper with a heart of gold. I'm honestly surprised at one point someone wasn't startled when a cat leapt out of some bins in an alley with a stock miaowing sound effect added in post. Speaking of Robocop, now that's a violent film, but there's a joy to it as well, in part due to it's wry satire on America the Reagan years. it's as horrifying as it is awesome. The violence in Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning is just deeply unpleasant, it's not thrilling or inventive, it's just relentless and dour. This feels less like an action movie and more one of those War on Terror-era torture porn horror flicks. If the first Universal Soldier was one of the last post-Vietnam War films, then this is very much stuck in the worst parts of Bush/Obama era.” Time for this franchise to face a reckoning and die without hope of another sequel.

This film did kill the franchise, thankfully. There has been talk about Todd Black and Jason Blumenthal hiring Richard Wenk to write a reboot in October 2018, focusing on one resurrected soldier, but nothing has been officially announced. Just do yourself a favor and never watch any of the sequels. None of them are good, but feels like a giant waste of time. Honestly, I think the lead actors did a much better job in “Expendables 2,” which was also released that year. I’m sorry to have to end this month off by just reviewing horrible sequels after a decent first film, but that’s just how it goes sometimes. That’s exactly what happened with “The Scorpion King” franchise.

Alright everyone, we have thankfully ended of “Universal Soldier Month.” I know it was quite a long run to sit through, seeing how the sequels were all terrible, in my opinion, but I don’t know what others would think. Stay tuned next month for more excitement.

Project Hail Mary

Today on Amazon Prime, I finished watching “Project Hail Mary,” released theatrically in March but on streaming last month. My brother initially made a plan that we all go out and see it, but he ended up watching it by himself, so I decided to wait until this came out on streaming to see how it was. This is another novel adaptation that I didn’t know anything about, but how is it, seeing how this has been getting great reviews.

Waking up on a strange spaceship, school teacher and passionate biologist Ryland Grace, played by Ryan Gosling, has to piece together his broken memory on not only how he got to space, but why he is there. Directed by Phil Lord and Christopher Miller, and adapted by Drew Goddard from the Andy Weir novel of the same name, this immediately sucks audiences into its interesting problem, and this ends up being one of the greatest sci-fi films ever.

Andrew Dex said in his review, “Known for his outstanding earlier novels The Martian and Artemis (also soon to be adapted by Lord and Miller), renowned sci-fi author Andy Weir constructed a stunning sci-fi world with Project Hail Mary, which could have only been a dream to translate to the big screen. Just like with Ridley Scott’s take on The Martian, Weir’s grounded use of science within his storytelling shines through wonderfully. It makes for a compelling watch as you attempt to figure out each urgent situation alongside the protagonist.”

During Ryland’s flashbacks, we see that single-celled spaceborne organisms called Astrophage are draining the energy from the Sun, causing Earth to be near destruction, and doing the same to every nearby stars – except for a distant star called Tau Ceti, which has somehow not been affected. The government-appointed agent Eva Stratt, played by Sandra Huller, puts together a good team of astronauts and scientists the organization has, and sends them on a one-way space mission to Tau Ceti to find out how they can fix the sun. Because of his background in molecular biology, Eva recruits Ryland to find out some way of fighting Astrophage. However, Ryland’s not an astronaut, so how did he end up on the Hail Mary?

Dex noted, “Backed by a stunning and commanding soundtrack from Daniel Pemberton (Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse), alongside beautiful cinematography from Greig Fraser (Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, Dune, The Batman), the creative energy and passion from everyone involved is on display through every single frame.” Phil Lord and Christopher Miller also used no green and blue screens, which not only makes you like the film even more, grounding the story inside a believable setting.

If anyone saw any trailer for “Project Hail Mary,” then they probably saw an alien character named Rocky. Voiced by puppeteer James Ortiz, the friendship between Grace and Rocky has already become iconic. The two share great moments of humor, joy, and complete fear, as they team up to save both their kinds. Just like they say, “Amaze. Amaze. Amaze.”

Dex credited, “n its later act, we see huge, beautiful, sweeping sci-fi sequences that have you mesmerised, which eventually leads to – just like the book – a satisfying ending. With what comes across as three huge narrative sections that differ rewardingly from each other, and an ending that ties everything neatly together, the storytelling pace of Project Hail Mary is flawless.” This is a perfect balance.

Dex ended his review by noting, “Thanks to movies like Interstellar, Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, and Dune, sci-fi has found success with a more serious tone in recent years, but Project Hail Mary is something for everyone. It’s almost Spielberg-esque in its approach. Capturing the monumental tone of the book in a grand scale that you could not be prepared for, it is sci-fi at its absolute best.”

People might say this film is like how Christopher Nolan treated the superhero movies, where it is told out of order and mixed together, which I noticed, but I wasn’t bothered by it. However, with the length of the film being near three hours, I had to watch it in pieces, which I did while exercising. Currently, this is streaming on MGM+ and Amazon Prime, so if you want to watch it on there, I highly recommend it. Whether you read the book or not, I think everyone will enjoy this film. Check it out and enjoy yourselves, but if you can’t see it in one sitting, I’m right there with you.

Thank you for joining in on this review tonight. Stay tuned this Friday for the finale of “Universal Soldier Month.”

Universal Soldier: Regeneration

In broad daylight – despite it being snowy and gray, with the sun behind clouds – a man and woman are kidnapped from a museum by a heavily armed group in a heavily armored vehicle. Even though there are so many police officers and their arsenal, one of the villains manages to escape alive to a place where a helicopter awaits, forcing the two victims aboard, heading for the Chernobyl nuclear power plant. Mike Massie said in his review, “The facility, along with the abandoned, surrounding city, have been taken over by rogue Commander Topov (Zachary Baharov), who is demanding complete and total Pasalan independence and liberation.” Should Ukrainian Prime Minister Musayev, played by Stanislav Pishtalov, not agree to that, along with the release of more than 200 political prisoners, not only will his two kidnapped relatives be killed, but Topov will also set off the Chernobyl reactor within 72 hours.

In Langley, Virginia, U.S. Army consultant Dr. Porter, played by Garry Cooper, brings out the four-leftover first-generation UniSols – from the original Operation Black Tower, known as the Universal Soldier program – to help in the upcoming fight at Chernobyl. We soon see that Operation White Tower – a new line of the Universal Soldiers, with gene editing and other enhancements – possibly contributed to the Pasalan villain organization, as one of the lead soldiers, a stolen Series 7 model NGU, played by Andrei Arlovski, is possibly the attacker responsible for the museum attack. Massie noted, “And, ultimately, it will be up to the fifth original UniSol, Luc Deveraux (Jean-Claude Van Damme), currently undergoing reintegration therapy by Dr. Sandra Flemming (Emily Joyce) in Switzerland, to return to the fold.”

Massie continued, “The initial sequences feature plenty of excitement with shootouts and destruction (generic as much of it is), followed by additional shots of warfare as U.S. troops storm the Chernobyl city, thanks to editor and director John Hyams, who clearly intends to cram his picture full of military conflicts. And it looks good, too, with veteran Peter Hyams serving as the cinematographer (he happens to be John’s father, who previously worked with Van Damme on “Timecop” and “Sudden Death”), nicely framing various heavy-hitting stunts. But the premise doesn’t offer up much originality; it may be bloody and violent and severe, refusing to spend any time on comic relief or other elements of lightheartedness, but the nonstop death-dealing provides only limited amusement.”

This is the third theatrically released “Universal Soldier” movie after “Universal Soldier: The Return.” Just like the previous film, it ignores the two television sequels that came after the original 1992 film, though in a strange twists, this reboot also ignores “Universal Soldier: The Return,” making it a direct sequel to the first film in the franchise (Massie said, “with perhaps a couple lines of clarification, it might have been able to have this work alongside the prior’s existence). It makes little difference, however; the basic setup of a sci-fi-embellished super-soldier battling other super-soldiers doesn’t require much backstory.” This is completely obvious that not only will Luc be forced to face a new enemy (as well as an old one), but he’ll also end up being the hero. “I know what’s happening.”

In a welcome surprise (Massie said, “though not a surprise if one were to have perused the cast list or the advertising art”), Dolph Lundgren returns as Andrew Scott, causing so much chaos. Massie ended his review by saying, “It all builds to an explosive, brutal finale, in which countless troops are slain and practically every wall is splattered with crimson in the impressive battlefield of a sooty, crumbling factory. Unfortunately, there’s fleeting humanity here; it’s difficult to be entertained by such relentless carnage, even if some of the butchery is impressively grotesque and outrageous. It’s comparable at times to “Terminator 2: Judgment Day” in its climactic confrontations, which are precisely staged and action-packed, here pitting half-machine against half-machine; but without emotions or clearcut righteousness, it’s mostly just dark and morbid trouncing.”

Just like all the rest of the films in the franchise, “Universal Soldier: Regeneration,” released in 2009, just doesn’t work. Even though this is the second film that tries to be a direct sequel to the first film, it wasn’t needed. This is just added to the pile of sequels after this film that should be avoided at all cost. Just never watch it, especially if you liked the first film. Never see this because, even if people might think this might be the best of the sequels, I don’t see how that is any good.

Sadly, they tried one more attempt at this franchise. We will look at that Friday when we, thankfully, end off “Universal Soldier Month.”