First off, just look at
the Turtles. They look horrifying. It looks like the costume designers gave
them one of the worst turtle’s costumes ever. The permanent smiles on their
faces look scary, the heads keep looking like they’re going to fall off, and
even the shells look like they are going to break. Also, the lip-syncing is one
of the worst ever. Either the mouths don’t move in-sync with the voice or they
keep moving after the lines are done. Even the Brooklyn accents sound over-exaggerated.
The songs they give the
turtles are just full of 90s cheese. When they sing Deck the Halls, why is Leonardo, played by Ronn K. Smith, doing a Jamaican accent? Isn’t that
offensive? Maybe he just didn’t care. Next, Up From the Sewer is a
horrible rip-off of Over the River and Through the Woods, which is a classic
Thanksgiving song. IT DOESN’T FIT HERE!!!
Now the story to this is
that the Turtles (Smith, Eric Anzalone, Alfredo Miller and Florence Reymond) go
out shopping for a gift for Splinter (Jack William Scott). If you grew up
watching the TMNT cartoon from the '80s, like I did, you would remember that the Turtles always went
out on the streets in a trench coat and fedora. Why are they not wearing that
in here!? And how come the kids on the streets are perfectly fine with four
turtles just roaming the streets? Are they not the least bit frightened?
Because I would be!
When they are singing Gotta
Get a Gift for Splinter, how come Leonardo pushes a rollerblading kid,
played by Zach Grenier, off screen? That kid’s parents should file a lawsuit
for that! And why all of a sudden does Michelangelo decide to sing opera in
front of a Christmas tree!? Raphael decides to steal the bell from the poor
Santa, played by Ethan Lipkin, for a split second, but I don’t know why.
There's even a moment where Donatello and Raphael are going to pick Michelangelo up, but they don't. Probably because they thought either he was too heavy or the costume was going to fall apart. Either one wouldn't surprise me. Donatello looks at his watch as to say, “HURRY UP MIKEY, WE DON’T HAVE MUCH
TIME!” Raphael keeps wiping his face with his mask, maybe to wipe away the
tears of being in this torture. I do sympathize with Leonardo when he puts his
hands over his ears. Also, how come at first Raphael says there are two hours
left, but after Michelangelo sings his opera song, there’s only one hour left?
Did the singing of Oh Little City of New York take up one whole hour!? Because it
clearly was like 3-5 minutes!!
You got to be shocked
when they do Wrap Rap, a rap song where they’re wrapping presents. To go
from opera to rap is quite a stretch, guys! If you thought Ninja Rap was bad, get
a load of this song, which is "far" worse.
Splinter looks like a
coughed-up fur ball that was purged out of a cat. The voice sounds like he is
wheezing every single time he talks. It’s like he doesn’t like the film, which
to his credit, I wouldn’t blame him. He even goes through the entire 12
Days of Christmas song, which is painful. In fact, THIS WHOLE
SOUNDTRACK IS PAINFUL!!! The person who came up with this put no effort into it
whatsoever!! The songs are just bad that your ears will be bleeding. Finally, when did they decide
to let kids into the sewers!? The Turtles never did that!! I thought the whole
thing with the Turtles is that they stay hidden in the shadows, like Batman.
Even making them sing the We Wish You a Turtles Christmas song
is just painful torture for those poor unfortunate kids (Natasha Cresap, Alicia
Manta, Anthony Manganiello and Yaniv Segal).
When the credits roll,
the Turtles don’t shut up. They talk about some of their favorite songs, which
is like, “ENOUGH ALREADY!! HAVEN’T YOU TORTURED US ENOUGH WITH YOUR HOLOCAUST
OF A SPECIAL!?!?!?”
If you’re a TMNT fan,
like me, do yourself a favor and never look this up and watch it. You will be
in pain the whole time you’re watching this. I didn't know anything about the live-action TMNT stuff until my cousin introduced me to the TMNT live-action film trilogy from the 90s. Because before that, I was only familiar with the '80s cartoon and video games. Then James Rolfe did some TMNT live-action leftovers, which I had no idea they existed, and this Christmas Special was one of them. Thank goodness I wasn't "that" hardcore of a TMNT fan that I saw everything that had their names on it. People like to say that “Teenage
Mutant Ninja Turtles III” was the worst thing that was TMNT related. I would
like to say that if you ever see this, which came after that movie, you will
wish that you were watching “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III” instead of this
horrible Christmas special. This Christmas special is the worst thing to have the TMNT name on it. With the amount of times it fades to black, it’s
like it was made-for-TV instead of direct-to-video. James Rolfe is right when
he said this is on par with “The Star Wars Holiday Special.” I don’t agree with
the Nostalgia Critic when he said he recommended it for some fun
entertainment because I don’t see entertainment in this monstrosity at all.
Oh boy, what a relief. Well,
Happy Holidays and Season’s Greetings online readers. Hopefully everyone had a
Merry Christmas. Stay tuned tomorrow when I review a spin off on the “Cars”
movies that aren’t Pixar related, but I feel I need to talk about.
No comments:
Post a Comment