The decline of Tim Burton
continues with “Dumbo,” his horrible remake of the classic animated movie that
leads to absolutely nothing, for both kids and adults.
The original “Dumbo”
had a runtime of a little over an hour, while the remake checks in almost two
hours that feel too long. Bob Grimm said in his review, “Yes, the running time
has been padded but, no, it’s not padded with anything that registers as
beneficial.” So many superfluous subplots and additional characters are more
focused on from the protagonist, who people might find this CGI success cute.
There are not talking
animals in this movie, like the remake to “Cinderella,” so Timothy Q. Mouse is
only seen in a cage wearing a hat, there’s no singing crows because of the
possible racial stereotype and the Baby
Mine done by Jumbo is now being sung by Sharon Rooney, playing Miss
Atlantis in this film. Timothy Q. Mouse is replaced by the vital talented
children, played by Thandie Newton’s daughter, Nico Parker and Finley Hobbins.
Grimm said, “Sorry, Thandie Newton’s daughter, but you can’t act and shouldn’t
act and need to consider another profession that requires you not to act.”
Colin Farrell plays
Holt, the talented children’s dad, back from World War I with one arm, and his
wife died from illness while traveling with the circus. The circus is under the
management of Max Medici, played by Danny DeVito, who has bought a cheap,
pregnant elephant, Jumbo. He wants Hold to be in charge of his elephants, a
downgrade from his previous job as a circus cowboy. Farrell, like most of the
humans in this movie, looks down.
V.A. Vandevere, the
villain of the film, played by Michael Keaton, buys Dumbo and plans to make him
the main star at his Dreamland, which looks a whole lot like Disneyland. Grimm
said, “So, in a way, Vandevere is modeled after Walt Disney and is portrayed as
an evil megalomaniac. So, in essence, Burton gets away with indirectly
portraying Walt Disney as a bit of a greedy monster. I’m not saying this is
anything inaccurate, but it’s a little odd to see in an actual Disney movie.”
As for Keaton, he’s at
his complete worst in this movie, like he was just pushed in front of the
camera and told at act particular. It’s horrible, because seeing the man who
played Batman in a movie by the same director of “Batman” definitely seems as
something that could be fun. Sadly, it is not. Keaton just looks like he’s
always close to recreating the part in “Batman” where he snaps, which was one
of the worst parts of that movie.
In the original, Dumbo
flew in only a couple of scenes for just a few seconds. Here, he has so many
flying scenes, which beats a dead horse. Also a bad redoing, the scene in the
original where Dumbo gets drunk and sees pink elephants is replaced by a
terrible bubble show that is a tribute to the drunk scene in the original, and
a terrible tribute when you look at it.
Grimm said, “As much as
I did like the original, I’ve always taken issue with the notion that anybody
would give Dumbo a bunch of insults for having big ears.” All elephants have
big ears, don’t they? The story worked in a one-hour cartoon for kids but
really drags out in a big budget live-action remake with real people walking
around. The honesty lesson at the center doesn’t sound right with real humans
acting it out. It feels wrong.
Burton used to make one
classic after another. His last great movie was “Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber
of Fleet Street,” and his career was really damaged with his other Disney live
action reboot, “Alice in Wonderland.”
“Dumbo” is much worse
than “Alice in Wonderland,” and proof that Burton needs to movie far away from
Disney and closer to the eccentricities who inspired his career in the
beginning. Grimm ended his review by saying Burton should “make another Pee Wee
movie before you deface any further Disney properties.”
I take it this wasn’t a
“remake” and more of a “reimagining,” as Burton coined that phrase. However,
the way they changed the story in this movie around is just a slap in the face
for those who really loved the original. I liked the idea of Jumbo actually
giving birth to Dumbo instead of the Storks delivering him on the train in the
beginning of the original, though. Eva Green is also in this movie, and expect
a cameo from Michael Buffer. This is one of the worst decisions that Disney has
ever made. They need to stop making live action remakes to Disney classics,
although I know two have already been released with another two or three coming
out this year, but they need to stop remaking these charming classics. As you
might have guessed, don’t make the mistake
of seeing this remake, it’s one of the worst.
Thank goodness I’m done
with that review. In the meantime, I’m going to cool off. Stay tuned for what I
have in store for everyone next month.
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