Scientists have thought
that 95% of the world’s oceans have not been looked at. Hannah Woodhead said in
her review, “For decades we’ve turned to the stars for signs of unchartered
life rather than the seabed, and as such, the limitless potential for beasts of
the deep has inspired luminaries such as Hermann Melville, Guillermo del Toro,
and er, Anthony C Ferrante to create their own mythology.” The main villain for
these sea explorers is giant-sized sharks.
Woodhead said, “Swimming
in the wake of toothy romps like Deep Blue Sea and The Shallows – as well as
inevitable point of comparison and sub-genre overlord Jaws – The Meg sees a
team of scientists based in the Mariana Trench attempt to uncover the mysteries
of the deep.” Because of that, they accidentally awaken a 75-foot prehistoric
shark (Meg is short for ‘Megladon,’ in case you didn’t know). The only man who
can stop this shark is Jonas Taylor, played by Jason Statham, a grumpy rescue
diver living in Thailand after a failed mission. “I don’t dive anymore,” he scowls
when the team tries to call him in again. However, that doesn’t take too long
for him to think about it.
Along with Jonas is a mixed
team of half-hearted models, from tough-talking tomboy Jax (Ruby Rose) and
strange billionaire Morris (Rainn Wilson) to spirited scientist Suyin Zhang (Li
Bingbing) and her gifted eight-year-old daughter Mei (Shuva Sophia Cai). Too
much cast leaves characters shoved for screen time, and a romance between Jonas
and Zhang ends up being hilarious for the wrong reasons, but it’s hard to blame
the actors, who look like they’re trying to bring something to a really dry
script.
Even though this can be
a comedy for this story, the only person who looks like he’s cracking a joke is
Statham. Woodhead credits, “He plays his character with a world-weary charm and
provides most of the film’s intended laughs.” Everything else about “The Meg”
is very serious, from the delivery of unintelligent dialogue (“It’s already
proven aggressive to boats”) to an overcomplicated story. Woodhead said, “Yet
there aren’t enough thrills and spills to elevate it into genuine thriller or
pulp horror territory either – thanks to its family-friendly rating the film is
even light on gore, and with no characters to root for other than Jonas, you’re
left not really caring who the shark actually chomps on.”
Despite “Jaws” proving that
you don’t need to give the shark a lot of screen-time to make an effective
shark movie, “The Meg” is cheap with its shark-on-Statham action. Woodhead
said, “Dithering on whether or not it’s a comedy, thriller, or meditation on
climate change, The Meg attempts to do a number of things while succeeding at
very few of them. So much wasted potential leaves director John Turteltaub’s
film feeling like a toothless effort, floundering in the shallows of the
multiplex ocean.”
I’m sorry to say, but I
didn’t enjoy this movie at all. It’s predictable, the characters I didn’t care
for, and I just feel that people should stop making shark movies. After “Jaws,”
what’s the point? Too many people have tried to make a good shark movie, but
they have all failed, and this one is no exception. Please heed my advice and
don’t go to the theaters to watch this. “The Meg” will just be a giant waste of
your time and money. If you want to watch it, wait for it on DVD to rent it.
Everyone else was saying that it was fine, but I was probably the only one who
really thrashed it because I didn’t like it at all. There was nothing in this
movie that was saving it from being so horrible.
Alright, enough of all
that, I’m going to sleep this off. I’ll see everyone this Friday for the finale
of “The Muppets Month.”
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