Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Now we get to the third film in the “Transformers series,” “Transformers: Dark of the Moon,” released in 2011. Roger Moore said in his review, “All the technical prowess of “aliens invade” thrillers, from “Independence Day” through “Battle: Lost Angeles,” and the best comic actors money can buy serve “Transformers: Dark of the Moon” well. The funniest, best-executed film in the Earth-protecting robots-that-look-like-cars-and-trucks series, “Moon” delivers the popcorn in gigantic fist-fulls of fun.”

Obviously this is fist-palmingly stupid as always, a product placement action film with a Camaro as the protagonist. However, Michael Bay’s adaptation of a cartoon co-opts NASA history and redoes Chicago with a pleasure as over-the-top as any crazy Shia LaBeouf rant. Hey, what can he do when all of the best lines are said by the Transformers?

“I just want to matter,” says Sam Witwicky, a two-time environmental hero brought down to begging for work from the great over-the-top John Malkovich. He needs a D.C. job because he has broken up with Megan Fox for a hotter model, played by Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, who wears shorts, tight clothes, and only has one scene where we see that she’s a model, not an actress.

The Autobots are always cautious, though there are the detractors (Bill O’Reilly of Fox News is one of them) who want them off of the planet. If you have any memory of the Transformers cartoon, you know that the Decepticons never completely disappear. This time, there’s a buried spaceship on the Moon, a NASA cover-up and bring back an ancient leader to life, Sentinel Prime, voiced by Mr. Spock himself, Leonard Nimoy.

Moore said in his review, “Hearing Mr. Spock repeat lines from “Star Trek” movies in robot form is only the second most tone-deaf thing here. Having real-life lunar explorer Buzz Aldrin on hand to legitimize the bogus NASA history is the first.”

As Sam rushes from D.C. to the Kennedy Space Center to put together this movie’s version of the Space Race, he encounters a plethora of great characters – from the returning John Turturro (an ex-CIA conspiracy guy), to Frances McDormand, as a new intelligence chief. As always, Malkovich steals his scenes if he’s in them with the hilarious Ken Jeong, who you might remember from “The Hangover” movies.

“It is CODE PINK,” Jeong’s character yells in warning, “as in FLOYD.” For those of you who are Pink Floyd fans, he’s making a “Dark Side of the Moon” joke.

Jeong’s craziness isn’t beaten until we get to see the great Alan Tudyck from “3:10 to Yuma” as he uses a fantastical Dutch accent as an assistant to Turturro’s conspiracy talk.

“Dark of the Moon’ builds up to a robot battle royale that takes up the entire third act. However, Bay has learned from the last film’s digital shadow since he slows down the action so that we can see the gears turn and pulls off some great stunts to go with the effects – paratroopers flying into Chicago in wingsuits.

Moore does admit, “Yeah, the story is one big “God in the Machine” tale, heroic but hapless humans wait for robot rescue.” It’s all vision and too much of it with the two and a half hours runtime. The sound effects don’t match the visuals in balance, I didn’t see it in 3D, but Moore claims that “3D adds only depth, not gimmicks.” The finale is so extended that you will wish that maybe Hollywood will be shamed into not imposing another “Skyline” or its kind on us for a few years, that we’ve seen the last of the Transformers.

Then again, after you’ve made billions off a classic cartoon that was made to sell toys, shame doesn’t come into it.

I do have to say that I didn’t like how Shia LaBeouf screamed all of his lines. I know he did that somewhat in the last movie, but here he was doing that every single time, and it got so annoying. However, I think this movie is still worth checking out, but if you don’t want to see one of your favorite cartoons botched by Michael Bay, than don’t see it. I know there are people that don’t like Michael Bay, especially with the movies he’s done recently, so I can understand if you don’t want to see any of his work. I personally like all of these movies, but I won't defend it as one of the great sagas or some of the best work ever. If you don't like, I get it, this isn't for everyone.

Look out next week when I look at the most recent film to wrap up “Transformers Month.”