Thursday, July 11, 2013

Superman Week Part 5

I can’t believe that they did this to Superman! They should have stopped after how bad Superman 3 was received. But no, instead they decide to pick up a fourth one. That’s right, Cannon Films picked up the option to do the fourth Superman movie, and Christopher Reeves decided to come back because the film was about nuclear weapons, and Reeves was interested in that topic. Bad mistake Mr. Reeves. Because Cannon decided to cut the budget of the film from $35 million to $15 million, and what happened with that much of a budget cut? Poor special effects and constant re-edits which made this the worst film in the Superman film franchise.

That’s right, I am not looking forward to reviewing this 1987 god-awful film, “Superman 4: The Quest for Peace.” Well, I have to, so let’s try and see if we can survive this review. The first problem is the constant use of Superman flying towards the screen. Just because it looked good the first time doesn’t mean that you need to reuse it. Second, the special effects are, like I said before, the worst amongst the rest of the films. You might be saying, give it a break, this was 1987, but no, this is just bad! You can easily see the strings on Superman when he is fighting, the black curtains in the background can be noticed, and the Green Screen effects are just so obvious.

Now the film begins with Russians in space, and Superman saves one of the astronauts, with his cape flying like a fan is blowing on it, and he talks in space. Did these people forget their science class from kindergarten? You cannot talk in space. Just because Superman is from another planet doesn’t mean that he has the ability to talk in space! The President, played by Robert Beatty, gives a broadcast on TV about how America strives to become second to none in a nuclear arms race. That’s when one of the students in the school the broadcast was being shown in, Jeremy, played by Damien McLawhorn, writes a letter to Superman, asking him to solve this problem. After learning that the Soviet Union and the USA are going to engage in a nuclear war, he goes to his fortress of solitude to ask his elders for help on what he should do. And what does he come to for a resolution? He goes to the United Nations assembly and says that he will get rid of all nuclear weapons. And you want to know what else? They are all for it! Over the next few days, he takes all of the nuclear weapons, wraps them up in a gigantic net, and throws them into the sun. HOW DOES THAT WORK!?!?!?!?

Meanwhile, Lex Luthor is back in this film with a very nuisance nephew, Lenny, played by Jon Cryer, who is, hands down, one of the most annoying characters ever put in any movie. They decide to create a villain that is just as powerful as Superman, so they steal a strand of Superman’s hair that he donated to the museum that is held on by a giant weight, AND THEY SIMPLY CUT IT WITH SCISSORS!!!! HOW DOES THAT WORK!?!?!? After that, he launches a missile into space, which Superman catches and throws into the sun, and thus the villain is born with a skin-tight outfit. How is a villain born from the sun with a skin-tight outfit? Guess what, there will be no explanation how it works. This villain is Nuclear Man, played by Mark Pillow, but voiced by Gene Hackman. Even though he needs sunlight to stay powered up, making him a solar-powered villain, THERE ARE SHOTS WITH HIM NOT IN DIRECT SUNLIGHT AND HE IS JUST FINE!!!! INCONSISTENCY!!!!!

And you want to know what else? The Daily Planet has been bought by a media mogul named David Warfield, played by Sam Wanamaker, WHO PLANS ON TURING IT INTO A TABLOID!!! THIS IS A NEWSPAPER COMPANY YOU RETARD!!!!!! His daughter, Lacy, played by Mariel Hemmingway, joins the company as well, and starts to get an attraction towards Clark. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!? ARE YOU STARTING ANOTHER LOVE TRIANGLE BETWEEN CLARK, LOIS, AND ANOTHER GIRL!?!? AND WHERE’S LANA!?!? IS THERE NO MENTION OF HER!?!? OF COURSE NOT, BECAUSE THIS IS A GOD-AWFUL SEQUEL!!!!!

What else can they do to make this film the worst of the series? THEY RIP OFF THE ROMANTIC FLYING SCENE FROM THE FIRST ONE, FRAME BY FRAME! THEN THEY RIP OFF THE MIND ERASING KISS FROM THE SECOND ONE! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?!?!? Also, Nuclear Man starts to develop an attraction to Lacy, and threatens to wreck havoc if she is not brought to him. He even makes Superman sick for a while with a nuclear scratch. This is after Lex Luthor, somehow, manages to give Superman a supersonic message, and he fights Nuclear Man. Another plot device that they have is that Clark retrieves a crystal from the barn, just like he did in the first one, and without any explanation, he feels better!!! ARE YOU PEOPLE GOING TO FILL US IN ON ANYTHING, OR ARE YOU GOING TO JUST LEAVE US OUT IN THE DUST!?!?!?!? BECAUSE YOU’RE DOING A GOOD JOB OF DOING JUST THAT!!!!

You want to know what else happens that makes this film so god-awful. When Nuclear Man and Superman fight in space with Lacy being brought there as well, she is apparently breathing just fine despite the fact that SPACE HAS A LACK OF BREATHING AND AIR PRESSURE!!!! THIS IS KINDERGARTEN SCIENCE PEOPLE, YOU CAN’T BREATH IN SPACE!!!!! Science just doesn't even exist in this movie. When did Superman get the power to repair walls? That's what he did with the Great Wall of China. Also, how is he able to carry the Statue of Liberty all the way back to where Nuclear Man picked it up from WITHOUT BREAKING A FINGER ON IT!?!?!?! HAVE ANY OF YOU FILMMAKERS TAKEN PHYSICS!?!?!?!? And how is Superman able to move the Moon to block the Sun to get Nuclear Man killed? And how is Nuclear Man able to get killed by being dropped INTO A NUCLEAR POWER PLANT!?!?!? I thought you said his name was Nuclear Man, as in that's his strength, NOT WEAKNESS!?!?!?! This movie really needed some environmental specialist to help out because obviously, no one working on this movie knew anything about Science or the environment!

Just don’t watch this film, long story short. This is right up there with Batman & Robin as one of the worst superhero films ever made. Thank goodness I'm done with this review because I just couldn't stand it any longer. Thankfully, Warner Bros. left this franchise alone after the poor receptions from both 3 and 4. How long will it be after the Superman franchise will be resurrected? Will the new one be better, or will it be good up to the half-way point, and the last half will be very predictable? All of this will be figured out tomorrow. Up, up, and away!

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