Roger Ebert stated in his review, “This is the second
feature starring Hulk Hogan, the man who looks like a comic strip hero. Hogan’s
range is limited, but not as limited as the movies he’s appeared in. Despite
the fact that his public image is often aimed at children – there’s a whole line
of Hulk Hogan toys – his first film, “No Holds Barred” (1989) was surprisingly
violent, sexist and blood-soaked.” Now we have “Suburban Commando,” which is
harmless, but it gives Hogan so little to do that his fans may think why he
agreed to do this film.
The movie starts off in space, where Hogan plays Shep
Ramsey, an intergalactic bounty hunter. (Ebert asked, “Ever wonder, by the way,
how much of a bounty they’d have to pay to finance an intergalactic hunt?”)
After a fight with his nemesis Suitor, played by William Bell, Ramsey damages
his ship and lands on Earth, where he quickly lives with the rather eccentric
Wilcox family.
Charlie Wilcox (Christopher Lloyd) and his wife Jenny
(the late Shelley Duvall) don’t think that Ramsey is actually from space. Ebert
asks, “I mean, why should they? If Hulk Hogan turned up at your door, where
would you think he looked like he was from, aside from the funny pages?”
However, Charlie is some kind of an inventor (anyone else thought of “Back to
the Future?”), and after he looks into Ramsey’s ship there is a lot of nonsense
with humans getting stuck int eh middle of a fight between beings from other
planets.
Ebert ended his review by saying, “Somebody was asking
the other day, do I ever get tired of going to the movies? Naw, I said, I love
movies and so some days it’s not really a job, it’s more of a lucky break. But
I wasn’t feeling lucky the day I saw “Suburban Commando,” and you know what? By
golly, by the time it was over, I was feeling kind of tired of going to the
movies.”
Michael Faustino and Laura Mooney play the Wilcox
children, Larry Miller plays Charlie’s boss, and Mark Calaway aka The
Undertaker makes his feature film debut in this film. This film was originally
meant for Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito with the title “Urban
Commando,” but when they both decided to star in “Twins,” New Line Cinema
bought the script as the follow-up to “No Holds Barred,” which I have never
seen.
I saw this movie sometime after I saw the Nostalgia
Critic’s review of the movie, which I shouldn’t have done, but I do agree with
what he said about the film. This is mostly a stupid movie, but at least there
was a laugh here and there, but not like a bust out laughing moment. However, the
funniest part of the movie is when Ramsey and Charlie have an argument, and
Charlie says one of the funniest out-of-context lines, “I WAS FROZEN TODAY!” I think
I should use that line next time when I’m in the middle of an argument to see what the
reaction will be. Still, you shouldn’t see this movie because it is just stupid
and you will beat yourself up for putting this on. Just avoid it.
One more flaw I have to point out, which I think
everyone has pointed out when watching this film, is when Ramsey walks into an
arcade and sees a kid playing a game, he is constantly saying that he is fighting a
space villain by the name of Dragos. However, the game he was playing was a
1987 jet combat game released by Sega, After Burner, which had
nothing to do with aliens, phasers, photon torpedoes, who anything science
fiction related. I have never played or heard of the game until Nostalgia Critic pointed it out in his review, but when you watch that
scene, you will know that it is clearly a jet combat game and not a game about
space aliens.
Next week, I will be looking another terrible Hogan
movie in “Wrestlers in Movies Month.”
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