The Good Son

Who in their right mind would greenlight a horrendously atrocious movie like this one? Were the creators of the movie traumatized by someone like the character in this film that they decided to make this as a therapy method? Or was this a way to cope with the amount of bullying, harassment, and ridicule they suffered as a child in school? I can assure you that they failed miserably at it because this film is one of the worst ever made. If you haven’t guessed by now, I am of course talking about the 1993 cinematic torture, “The Good Son.”

Talk about a film that quite possibly is the worst that Elijah Wood and Macaulay Culkin ever starred in. How could you have let these two very famous child actors near such a painful project like this capital punishment!? They should have been kept away from this torture device because I don’t even think a kid like the one in this film even exists. If a child like that does, then save us all from that evil child.

As I stated before, Elijah Wood plays Mark Evans, who has just lost his mother (Ashley Crow) and his father (David Morse) drops him off in Maine at a family member’s home for winter break while he leaves to Tokyo for a business trip. What kind of a man are you!? You just lost your wife, you and your son are mourning, AND YOU DECIDE TO LEAVE YOUR 12-YEAR-OLD CHILD WHEN HE NEEDS YOU THE MOST!?!?!?!? YOU COULND’T JUST NOT GO ON THE BUISNESS TRIP!?!?!?!?!? DO YOU LOVE YOUR WORK MORE THAN YOUR FAMILY, YOU JERK!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Driving from Arizona to Maine, Mark is taken to his Uncle Wallace (Daniel High Kelly) and Aunt Susan’s (Wendy Crewson) home, who have kids around his age that he can spend his winter break with. There he meets his cousins Henry (Macaulay Culkin) and Connie (Quinn Culkin). At first, Henry seems like a really nice kid, but then starts to show a really crazy side of his, like when he starts to smoke cigarettes or asks Mark what his mom looked like on her deathbed. Ok, what 12-year-old kid has necromania?

Something I don’t get is the stuff that Henry says. Like when he calls his sister a sweet, innocent little girl, and says that accidents happen if something were to happen with Connie. What kid says these things!?!? Was this kid created by Freddy Krueger to go up and kill children!?!? And how come Susan easily believes everything Henry says!? Henry puts on an innocent face and says that Mark and him were playing a really dumb game, and Susan just believes him and says not so rough because they looked like they were going to kill one another. THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT WAS GOING ON!!! In reality, if any parent were to see two kids fighting, they would not believe it was a game. They would want real answers to see why the kids were fighting!!! Does this film exist in any form of REALITY!?!?!?

Few incidents happen that is never mentioned again. One is when Henry takes a nail gun, kills a local dog with it, and throws it down the well. Another is when Henry and Mark throw a dummy off a bridge onto the highway, causing a huge car accident. Mark says Henry could have killed people, and Henry replies it would have been with Mark's help. It makes the local news, where Henry says he will tell Wallace about the incident saying that it was Mark’s entire idea. Why would you have these scenes, AND NEVER MENTION THEM AGAIN!?!?!? 

In fact, the area feels like it is designed to put kids in the danger zone. Mark almost falls from the tree house, Henry asks, "If I let you go, do you think you could fly?" WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU BOY!?!?!? On top of that, they stand on edges of cliffs, walk around the rim of a well, and run down railroad tracks.

WHAT KIND OF PARENTS WOULD GO OUT FOR DINNER AND LEAVE THE KIDS HOME ALONE!?!?!?!? DID YOU EVER THINK ABOUT CALLING A BABYSITTER, YOU IRRESPONSIBLE PARENTS!?!?!?!? DON'T YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LEAVE MINORS HOME ALONE!?!?!?!?

Mark gets very paranoid thinking that Henry poisoned the food in the fridge that Mark throws all of it down the sink. After Mark reads Connie a bedtime story, Henry says he wants to tuck Connie in, and you would think Henry was wanting to suffocate Connie.

One scene that I cannot believe they put in is when Mark threatens to kill Connie. Henry sleeps in Connie’s room, then wakes up the next morning to see that Henry took Connie ice skating. There, Henry purposefully pushes Connie onto thin ice, which breaks under her and she falls in. Henry acts like he has his hand out to rescue her, but doesn’t even bother. Other men easily walk on and break the ice with axes, which makes no sense. Connie is hospitalized, but is comatose. Mark tries to tell Susan that what Henry did was intentional, which Susan believes Mark is lying to her. ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!?!? HOW COULD YOU THINK THAT MARK IS LYING TO YOU!?!?!? DO YOU REALLY NOT BELIEVE THAT HENRY IS CAPABLE OF DOING SUCH THINGS!?!?!?

Especially when Mark is seeing a therapist, played by Jacqueline Brookes, to help him cope, but when Henry is there, Henry puts on an act and makes it look like Mark is disturbed. HOW DOES EVERYONE BELIEVE THIS EVIL CHILD SO EASILY!?!?!? IS HE REALLY THAT CONVINCING!?!?!? YOU’RE A THERAPIST, LADY, DON’T YOU KNOW HOW TO EASILY READ PEOPLE WHEN THEY ARE LYING TO YOU!?!?!?!?

Susan then starts to suspect things when she finds a rubber duck that belonged to her youngest baby, played by Rory Culkin, who died drowning in a bathtub. Henry fights her for it and throws it down the well. She even interrupts Henry when he tries to suffocate Connie in the hospital.

Mark starts to get close with Susan, which makes Henry jealous and he says that he will kill his own mother. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU BOY!?!?!? WHY DO YOU WANT TO KILL YOUR WHOLE FAMILY!?!?!? I seriously think this boy just wanted to be the center of attention, so he thought of killing his siblings so that everyone could focus on him. It all makes sense, why else would he want them dead if he wasn’t jealous that he wasn’t the main focus!?

Why did they decide to give this film an R rating? Just because they had Macaulay Culkin say the F word once? That was enough to give it an R rating? The violence in this wasn’t bad enough for an R rating, it wasn’t scary, there were no nude scenes, it was just one incident when Culkin said the F word. That was the reason why they rated this movie R!?!? The other swears they said in this movie would have easily given this a PG-13. I have seen PG-13 movies where they have dropped F bombs.

Finally, Susan decides to wake up and ask Henry for the truth for the night her youngest baby drowned, and he tries to push her off a cliff and kill her with a boulder. I have to be honest, out of this entire murder of a film, the ending was the most satisfying. Out of all the scenes in this film, I wouldn’t mind seeing that ending again just to be relieved and laugh. However, like Gene Siskel said in his review of the film, the last line is a fraud.

Do yourself a favor and STAY AWAY FROM THIS FILM!!!! It is one of the worst you will ever see. My cousin told me about this film and he liked it. I don’t see any reason why anyone would like this film that could be a new form of torture or capital punishment. You will dread the day you ever put this abomination in your DVD or Blu-Ray player. Or if you ever decided to stream this anywhere. It is THAT bad!!

Phew, what a relief. Next week I will talk about a forgettable film in “Macaulay Culkin Month.” In the meantime, I’m going to cool off after reviewing one of the worst films I have ever seen and reviewed.