This is a ridiculous science fiction action flick based on an old TV series that was before my time. It’s got cheap special effects, a terrible visual look, and characters who say obvious things in obvious ways. Roger Ebert noted in his review, “If it outgrosses the brilliant “Dark City,” the previous sci-fi film from the same studio, then audiences must have lost their will to be entertained.”
The TV series was loosely based on the novel The Swiss Family Robinson, about a family lost far from home and using intellect and skill to live off the land. Ebert admitted, “I loved that book, and especially its detailed description of how the family made tools, machines, and a home for themselves, and trained the local animals.”
The movie doesn’t go into such details. After a space fight that is the predictable one to suck people in, and a quick explanation on why and how the Robinson family is going to a planet called Alpha Prime, the film mostly takes place onboard their ship, and has many more space fights, arguments, difficulties, attacks, hyperspace journeys, and exploding planets. In between, the characters go through rigid dialogue and tired relationship problems.
Imagine the film that could be made about a family lost on a distant planet, using what they could retrieve from their ship and search from the environment. That screenplay would take originality, intelligence and thought.
Ebert said, ““Lost in Space” is one of those typing-speed jobs where the screenwriter is like a stenographer, rewriting what he's seen at the movies.”
The story: Earth will not survive another two decades. Alpha Prime is the only other habitable planet mankind has discovered. Professor John Robinson, played by William Hurt, and his family have been chosen to go there and build a hypergate, to match the gate at the earth end. Ebert said, “Their journey will involve years of suspended animation, but once the other gate is functioning, humans can zip instantaneously to Alpha Prime.”
Obviously, there needs to be a hypergate at both ends because there will be no telling where a hyperdrive will take a person – as the Robinsons soon find out. Along with Professor Robinson are his wife Maureen (Mimi Rogers), their scientist daughter Judy Robinson (Heather Graham), their youngest daughter Penny (Lacey Chabert), and their son Will (Jack Johnson), who is the smartest of the family. The ship is flown by top space pilot Don West, played by Matt LeBlanc (who you might remember from “Friends”), and includes an intelligent robot who will help with the tasks at the other hand.
Also hiding below the ship is the evil Dr. Zachary Smith, played by Gary Oldman, who wants to ruin the mission, but is trapped on the ship when it takes off. So he wakes up the Robinsons, after the ship is thrown off course and looks like it will fall into the sun.
Ebert said, “Don West has a brainstorm: They'll use the hyperdrive to zap right through the sun! This strategy of course lands them in a galaxy far, far away, with a sky filled with unfamiliar stars. And then the movie ticks off a series of crises, of which I can enumerate a rebellious robot, an exploding planet, mechanical space spiders, a distracting romance, and family issues of trust and authority.”
The movie would probably have been more fun to look at if it had been filmed in brighter colors. Director Stephen Hopkins and his cinematographer, Peter Levy, for some reason choose a dirty, quiet palette. Ebert noted, “Everything looks like a drab brown suit, or a cheap rotogravure. You want to use some Windex on the screen. And Bruce Broughton's musical score saws away tirelessly with counterfeit excitement.” When nothing of interest is going on, it just makes it worse when the music pretends to care.
Ebert said, “Of the performances, what can be said except that William Hurt, Gary Oldman and Mimi Rogers deserve medals for remaining standing? The kids are standard-issue juveniles with straight teeth and good posture. And there is a monkeylike little alien pet who looks as if he comes from a world where all living beings are clones of Felix the Cat.” This is the type of movie where if it fell into a black hole, you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.
As everyone can tell, this one is bad. It’s not one that should be seen at all. I had never seen the show, but I do know about the famous “Danger Will Robinson, Danger” line, since that is popular amongst pop culture. Still, I don’t know how much of the show and the book the film follows, but regardless, avoid this travesty at all costs.
Next week we will be looking at another failure in “Science-Fiction Month.”
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